What's up with me!?

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted, especially with everything that's been happening.

I'll kind of sum it up for y'all...

A couple of weeks ago, the week of Oct 18, I started having increased spotting (I'd already been having some, but not enough to be worried enough to make an appointment) and cramping. That had me worried, especially after my miscarriage. ** Let me pause here to say that everything is okay!! ** Of course all of this started on our way to Athens, Georgia, where Matt was going on a business trip. Evan and I were going along for fun, who would have thought it would turn out so badly!? I called the nurse the next day and she said to come in for an ultrasound......except I was 4 hours away from home and couldn't leave since Matt was working!! She said it would be okay to wait until that Friday for an ultrasound unless it got worse. She also said to go on pelvic rest (which I had already put myself on pelvic rest since I found out I was pregnant! lol). I was still having cramping that night. I called my mom and told her, she arranged for my sister to come pick me up the next day. But thankfully Matt was able to take off work so we left the next evening and I changed my u/s to Thursday in the early afternoon. That way my sister didn't have to drive 8 hours in one day to take me home.

I was SO SO SO nervous, I can't even describe. But we immediately saw the baby on the ultrasound and the u/s also picked up the sound of a healthy fast heartbeat!! I was even measuring a few days ahead. The baby was sleeping, the u/s tech tried to wake him up, but s/he wouldn't have it. Just like big brother Evan!

Anyway, it was determined that the spotting was from the cervix and normal and that the cramping is from my uterus expanding. The midwife said not to be concerned about the cramping and only call if the spotting turned to heavy bleeding. I had cramping that night, but ever since then I haven't had any cramping OR spotting. Thank the Lord!

We've been so busy this past month with traveling and visiting with family and friends. One weekend we went to my grandparents' house, then a birthday party one weekend, then we went to Athens, then to Savannah, and then there was Halloween. Evan dressed up as a dinosaur (of course!) and was ADORABLE!! He started completely walking on Oct 27 and I'm so glad he was walking for Halloween. I LOVE that he's walking. It's so much easier and now we can go outside all the time since he isn't dragging his knees and feet around in the dirt and on the concrete.

I gotta end this post for now, but I'll leave you with some pictures...

Words

Words Evan is saying at 13.5 months old:

Hey

Bye bye

Ma (Mama)

Da (Daddy)

Kitty

Milk

Duck

Bird

Book (he's still working on the pronunciation of this one!)

Nana (not so sure about this, but my mom insists he is saying it - meaning her of course)

Anxiety

Okay so here's the deal....

My anxiety attacks have dramatically increased since I became pregnant. Like.....on a good day I have 5-10 anxiety attacks, some days I have them almost constantly. That's made me more sick than morning sickness. I also feel like I'm having problems with depression.

I talked to my midwife last Tuesday and she prescribed me Zolo.ft for the anxiety. She isn't convinced that I'm having depression problems and thinks that it's probably just pregnancy in general making me feel this way. At the time I smiled and nodded, but I know my own body and I know that I've had some real depression. Thankfully that's been a little better the past couple of weeks, but the anxiety is still a problem. Regardless though, she said this medicine should help the depression if I'm experiencing that too, but not to be concerned if it doesn't go away, because that would just mean that it's normal pregnancy symptoms.

I'm on 25 mg of the medicine, a very low dosage. It took me until Sunday to start taking them. And I still feel guilty about it. I just don't know....I was hoping the midwife would tell me some natural remedies, but this is what she recommended first and she seemed to feel strongly about it.

Matt and I did research and there's no proof at this point that Zo.loft can cause problems in the first 2 trimesters. And then the effects of anxiety/panic attacks on a baby can be serious like development problems, increased risk of diabetes and heart problems in the future. My chances of preterm labor are increased.

Sigh.......... I feel anxious about this stupid anxiety medicine. I was ALL NATURAL with Evan. I never took a single pain reliever pill while I was pregnant. Not while I was pregnant, not during labor, not even after labor (well, until about a week went by and I had to take Motr.in for my sore breasts, but that's a whole other story!).

I also had a flu shot last week. I don't know if that was the right thing to do either. If my mom wasn't a teacher and didn't come into contact with the flu every year I probably wouldn't have taken it.

Did any of you take antidepressants while in your first trimester? I'm hoping to go off the medicine by the second trimester, but who knows. And did any of you get the flu shot while pregnant? I'm just so nervous and upset by this........ I just feel that I'm already failing this baby. I did everything right with Evan and felt so confident. And I feel like it's all out of control this time around.

guilty

I feel guilty for not eating well with this pregnancy. For not exercising. For not being as careful. For taking medicine instead of having the med-free pregnancy I had last time.

Gender theory *updated!

*UPDATE:Well I think that all the ladies on the message board I was on were confused! lol It's funny that EVERYONE was confused about the same thing. But I'm still not sure if it matters where the baby is located in the uterus or if it's where the placenta is located. And I don't know how to tell where the placenta is. Speaking of placentas, I hope I don't have an anterior one this time because I want to feel the baby kick sooner and more often!!

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http://www.obgyn.net/ultrasound/ultrasound.asp?page=/fm/articles/fetal_gender_placental_location

Interesting article about a theory that states that the gender of a baby can be determined from early ultrasounds. If the baby implants on the right side of the uterus it's a boy and if it's on the left side it's a girl.

I read a message board thread and it was correct for the women who had had babies before. I don't know if it's correct with Evan because I can't remember which side he was on and the u/s pictures I have are zoomed in and centered so I don't know.

Just wondering if any of you have heard of this and have an opinion. Obviously it's just a theory, but it may or may not have been right for you! I'm curious to know if it was and if you want to give me a link to your early u/s pictures feel free!

Evan's early u/s picture is on the right side bar (6w5d). His later u/s pictures are HERE (18w) and HERE (32w5d).

This baby's early u/s picture is less clear than Evan's (as far as seeing the baby). Probably because it was done almost a week earlier than his! I still need to post it, but it looks like the baby implanted on the left side so maybe a girl if this theory is correct? I will talk more about gender in a later post...

13 Months Old

My son is 13 months today! He's been celebrating by doing all kinds of exciting growing up things.

For the last week his first molar has been breaking through. He had his flu shot a week ago and had a fever that night. Then the next couple of days didn't eat as much. It wasn't until he started jerking his head away when I'd give him a sippy cup or put my hand near my face that I realized he was teething since I thought those symptoms were a side effect of the shot. I'm still not sure about the fever. He did have a teething fever of 101 a couple of months ago, but this was even higher (103). So maybe it was a combination of the shot AND teething.

He WALKED the other day!!! I said "come here" while he was standing holding on to the door jamb. He took a step, then looked down and deliberately took another step, then another step, then another. By then he was to me! I made a big deal about it and immediately went to change my facebook status, bragging about his accomplishment. I didn't think he'd do it again but I got right back down on the floor and stood him up a few feet away. He walked right to me! He did it several times. I think the most steps he took in a row were about 7. He did really well too, he didn't wobble much or fall down. He would always make it to me! I'm so proud of him, you'd think this was something only he does and not every single baby in the world, but he did such a great job!!

My mom said that when I was a baby I walked a couple of times when I was almost 1. I fell down and she said I didn't walk again for a couple of months, then when I did start I walked perfectly and never fell. I guess I was a perfectionist even then! But Evan is 13 months and just walked for the first time. He hasn't walked since then. I couldn't get him to yesterday or so far today. However, he did this same thing with crawling and a lot of the words he says. He'll do it a few times in a row, then stop doing it for weeks and then suddenly start again.

He also said 2 words together for the first time this morning! He said "Hey Kitty." He said it several times after Matt said it. SO cool!! He's just been all around more vocal today, saying words that he's been able to say for months, but usually doesn't say. He said "da" (daddy), "bye bye," "okay," "kitty," and "hey kitty" this morning.

He also got scratched by our cat Serenity this morning, shortly after saying "Hey kitty" to her. Evil cat. Her claw covers fell off weeks ago but we haven't had many problems with her scratching him so we didn't replace them. But tonight we will definitely put them back on her! She scratched his face, about half an inch under his eye. It bled and now there's a scab there and it's looking a little puffy around it. I washed it after it happened, but I'm going to watch it to make sure it doesn't get infected.

That's all for Evan's 13 month update. I think I still have yet to post his 12 month stats from his doctor's visit a month ago....I will have to do that soon!

ultrasound

The ultrasound went well on Friday!!! *big sigh of relief*

We saw and heard the baby's heartbeat. It was 92 bpm. I'm measuring what I thought I was measuring, but it's about a week earlier than they thought. So I was 5 weeks 6 days. My due date is officially May 14.

I haven't scanned the ultrasound picture yet, but I will post it soon. :-)

Other Updates

At the end of July I became a consultant for Pampered Chef. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy it! It's been a great way to make extra money and get out of the house a little bit. I'm a little concerned at how it will work if I have morning sickness as bad as I did with Evan though. I could hardly stand the smell of most foods then, so I definitely wouldn't be able to go to someone's house and cook a meal while giving a demonstration! But we'll see how it goes. The good thing about PC is that I can take a break and then start up again whenever I want.

It's a big change for me. I wish I had started doing it years ago when I couldn't find a job before we started TTC. I remember feeling so depressed that I didn't have anything to do. I'm just surprised more people don't do this! Not only do I earn a commission (that is higher and higher the more I sell each month) I get SO MUCH free stuff. I have received HUNDREDS of dollars worth of free stuff in the last month and a half. If any of you are interested in learning more please email me (click on my profile on the left sidebar) and we can chat about it!

Another big thing going on right now is that we have decided to try to sell our house!! I'm really, really hoping it will work out. We actually have a specific house in mind that we want to buy. I'm praying desperately that it will stay available until we can get it! But the price was just reduced this week...the owners are very eager to sell. So I'm worried that it's not going to stay on the market much longer....

I just hope our house will sell FAST! The realtor who helped us buy our house is confident that we will sell pretty quickly. He's not in the business now so we are searching for another realtor. Uggg...that's already been a mess. I guess I should just take care of it myself, but basically I told Matt that if he couldn't get hold of the lady we were wanting (that my parents used a couple of years ago) by late morning to find someone else so we can start the process NOW. But of course it's been 2 days and nothing has happened.

Ahh! I'm excited/nervous about that on top of being excited/nervous about this pregnancy. I'm just hoping that soon the time will fly by as we pack up our stuff and move from this 40 year old 3 bedroom 1450 sq ft house to an 8 year old 6 bedroom 2940 sq ft house with an office, dining room, garage and neighborhood park!!

Good news!

I found out I'm pregnant on September 3! I can't believe I've waited this long to announce it on here. I've been meaning to do it, but as odd as it is, I just wasn't motivated to do it. So here I am....5 weeks and 3 days along (where I was at when I had my miscarriage during my first pregnancy) and just now telling y'all.

I'm due May 13. I had my first appointment last Tuesday and have an ultrasound scheduled for this Friday!! The due date may change after the u/s. I know when I ovulated, but I will probably just go with whatever the u/s tech says is my due date so that we're on the same page as my midwives.

I started charting at the beginning of July. I thought my cycles were regular, but after being a week and a half late and still getting BFNs I decided it would be less stressful to start charting. I didn't even know if I was ovulating since I was still breastfeeding. I actually started weaning Evan at the beginning of July because my milk would not come in for his last feeding. I kept pumping at night and nursing him 3 times a day though. Over the next 2 months I gradually weaned him until he was officially weaned the week after his birthday. At which point I had already conceived this baby!

We haven't told many people yet. A few friends. My sister found out because we went to a gathering together where one of my friends guessed I was pregnant. So I admitted it and Melissa found out. But my parents don't know, we're waiting until after the u/s to tell them. I ordered Evan a "Big Brother" t-shirt with dinosaurs on it. We're going to take him to my parents' house when he's wearing it and let them figure it out from that. :-)

So far I've been feeling pretty good. Dizziness and fatigue and a general upset stomach. For awhile I was having pretty intense achy cramps and lower back aches. Which worried me a lot, but the midwife says not to be concerned about anything unless it's accompanied by bleeding, so hopefully it's all okay. I've been having intense dreams the past 2 nights. I've felt a little nauseous a couple of times, so I'm wondering if morning sickness is slowly setting in.

I'm excited but nervous. I'll feel much better if we have a good ultrasound on Friday. I will keep y'all updated, I promise! And one of these days I'll get back into the routine of reading everyone's blogs again. :-)

1st Birthday!

My baby is a year old!! I feel like I should write a long post using beautiful words to describe how touched I am that my baby is a year old today. But I can't put into words how I feel right now. I'm so HAPPY. I thought I might be sad or a little weepy that my baby is growing up, but I just feel so proud of him and I'm glad that we had such a wonderful year.

Evan is such a good little boy. I know I've written about it before and it might make some people (including other mothers!) want to gag, but he really is such a great child. I've been so blessed for multiple reasons this past year. 2009 and 2010 have been the best years of my life. I was thinking the other day about the years leading up to Evan's birth. Wondering which was the worst year. Thinking 2006 was pretty bad...but 2008 was worse. And 2007 wasn't so hot either. But then as soon as 2009 came around I found out I was pregnant...and my life changed for the better. Check out the announcement, pictures of the day he was born, and my birth story. Awww, I just want to thank Joy again...just thinking of how sweet she was makes me tear up!

We had a dinosaur birthday party for Evan on Saturday. We invited his playgroup friends, my family, and a couple of our friends (Evan's adopted aunt and uncle). My grandma flew out from Arkansas just for Evan's birthday! And my great aunt, great uncle, and their daughter decided to come at the last minute from SC. Like, about 2 hours before the party started my mom called me to "warn" me that they were coming. I was glad they were able to share the day though.

It was a lot of fun! Not many of his playgroup friends could come since 2 were on vacation and 3 were sick. But 3 of them did come and it was nice to have other kids his age there. We grilled out on the patio and everyone ate under the trees in our backyard. It was the first day in months that the weather wasn't super humid and hot. Evan opened his presents and boy did he receive a lot!! One of my favorites was a monogrammed towel with his name and a dinosaur on it. I don't really know what his favorite is yet. My parents gave him a walking dinosaur toy that plays music and he likes to dance to it, but isn't doing too well walking with it. He also liked a poppy up toy that also plays music. And of course he loves the books he received.

He inhaled his cake!!! As soon as it was put in front of him he grabbed a fistful of icing and shoved it into his mouth. You'd think he knew what a cake was even though we've only given him a couple of sweets before and in VERY small portions. Matt cut him a really big piece of cake. After a few minutes I went over to take it away since I didn't want him to actually eat it all....and it was GONE. He ate every bite of it! I wouldn't even eat a piece of cake that big!! Everyone was quite amazed by it. He actually resorted to 2 hands so he could eat it faster. Thankfully I got a video of it. ;-)

Today on his actual birthday we sang "Happy Birthday" to him first thing in the morning (and I sang it to him after he woke up from both of his naps). Unfortunately the middle of the day wasn't so happy. Evan had his first real injury. He was in the bathroom and toppled over and hit his mouth on the corner of the cabinet. It was bleeding A LOT. And he was crying A LOT. I was trying to call Matt who wasn't answering. Then I called the nurse and talked to her in between Evan's screams. She told me to get him to stop crying and let him suck on a popsicle. So he did, but the bleeding continued and he kept crying even on his 3rd popsicle. But Matt came home and we were able to locate the source of the bleeding. He cut his gum and the inside of his lip between his 2 front teeth. The bleeding stopped after awhile. The nurse called me back twice to check on him and give me instructions. Basically I gave him ice water a lot. He took a long afternoon nap and his lip was a little swollen when he woke up, but he was acting fine.

So nothing really serious, but it was scary (I was afraid he'd knocked out a tooth at first!) and stressful. I was by myself when it happened and trying to clean up the blood and give him an ice pop (good thing my sister had left some in the fridge after she stayed here last month!) and locate the source of the bleeding. Then after about 15 minutes my sister and grandma came in (and were no help whatsoever) and then Matt came in a couple of minutes after that. Then I felt like there were TOO many people in the house and it was just making Evan more upset. But Matt was great and helped comfort Evan and clean him up (we were both covered in blood and grape popsicle).

We went out to dinner with my family to Cracker Barrel for Evan's birthday dinner. That's his favorite restaurant. :-) And now he's back in his crib, talking and cooing even though he should be sleeping. Such a little sweetie!!

11 Months Old

The pictures are from a photo shoot my dad took when Evan was 10.5 months old.

Evan is over 11 months old now! Just another 3 weeks and he'll be 1 year old!! :-( :-) I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that...

Evan celebrated 11 months by running his first fever, then getting a cold (his second, he had another one back in Feb/Mar sometime) and teething at the same time, and then cutting his 5th tooth. He's been a busy little man!!!

He can now crawl FULL SPEED AHEAD! It's amazing how fast he can go. I remember a month ago we were at a playdate and I saw one of his friends crawling that fast. I thought that Evan would never crawl so fast. After all, he'd been crawling for months and still wasn't anywhere near that quick. But now all of a sudden the past few days he's figured out he can GO. Matt had a situation where he went after Evan to keep him from getting into something. Evan turned around and saw Matt coming after him and started crawling even faster trying to get away.

He definitely has a devious side. He knows how to "casually" start playing with something he isn't supposed to be near. Like he isn't allowed to touch the entertainment center. But he'll slowly crawl over there. When he sees that I'm watching him he'll stop and lean over and fiddle with the edge of the rug (which is about 6 inches from the entertainment center). He'll play with the rug for a bit until he either forgets I'm there or thinks I'm gone, then he'll reach out and touch the entertainment center. He's also not allowed to touch the hearth. So he plays with the table we have in front of the hearth and the stuff on it. So he's as close as he can get without me telling him to get away. I was watching him play with the stuff on the table yesterday and he grabbed an item and then proceeded to touch the hearth with the item. At first I thought it was an accident so I didn't say anything, but then he deliberately started touching the hearth and the kitties' food bowl with it. He found a loop hole!! Of course I made him stop because now that's yet another rule...not allowed to touch forbidden things even with another object. ;-)

I'm making Evan sound bad in this post...but he really isn't! As a matter of fact, I'm so thankful that I have such an obedient son. He is so GOOD. I see his friends and all the trouble they get into. I think Evan is more obedient than the average baby his age. I could always tell that...he's always been quiet...he's never been fussy or demanding. It took him a long time of crawling before he started exploring and getting into things. Some children are like that and I'm grateful to have one of those.

My mom said that I was a great child as well...very obedient and good. My brother was the opposite and while my sister was sweet natured and rarely complained, she was an explorer and was constantly getting into things and trying to get away from my mom. So I wonder how my next child will be... It's so neat how you can tell a child's personality when they are just a couple of months old. Evan has stayed consistent as far as that goes... he's never given me reason to change my opinion that he's a good, obedient, quiet, laid back, slightly introverted baby. :-)

San Diego

A week ago I was on a plane with Evan heading to San Diego! Matt was there on a business trip all last week and on Thursday Matt and I flew out there to meet him. The flight went very well!! It was delayed 2 hours, so it was a long time to hang around the airport and I didn't try to put Evan down for a nap so he was very tired by the time we took off. I gave him a bottle at take off and he went to sleep for about 20-25 minutes. Then he woke up and stayed awake the rest of the 4 hour flight. It was fine though because we flew first class (it was less reward miles to fly first class than it was to fly coach!! 25,000 to fly first class and 30,000 to fly coach). Ummm...I think I'll fly first class!! lol It was my first time to be in first class and it was great! They served a meal which was a lifesaver because it kept Evan and I busy for about an hour. Then he ate lots of snacks and looked out the window a long time. I let him play on the floor by my feet for a little bit. I walked him around the first class aisle for a little while, but he wasn't sleepy. However, he did lay in my lap and play with some toys for awhile. All in all, it was great. Security at the airport was great too. There's a family line at the Charlotte airport and so I went through that and someone helped me put the stroller on the x-ray belt. I only carried one backpack with me - i packed VERY light which was also a lifesaver. It's not like Evan plays with toys a whole lot anyway.

The best "toys" for flying were: water bottles (I had 2), package of pretzels, Mum Mum wrapper, package of animal crackers, and the plastic wrapper off the the snack box (that we purchased in coach on the way home). Evan loves playing with trash and it's great because I don't have to carry it around with me, it's stuff I bought in the airport or received on the plane and I just left them there when we got off.

San Diego was GREAT!! It was beautiful weather there. We went from Charlotte temperatures of the high 90s to San Diego temps of 70-80 degrees! The warmest day there was 79* and that was hot to everyone who lived there!! We spent Thursday walking around the Convention Center and Seaport Village. Then Friday we went to the zoo. My favorite things there were the hippos, elephants, polar bears, and koalas. I had been there before, but I was like 12 at the time so I don't really remember it. Evan's favorite thing was the turtles in an aquarium, a monkey we saw just after we arrived, or the fish that were in the hippo tank. lol They weren't even an attraction! We came home that afternoon and swam in the hotel pool.

Saturday we went to Old Town and spent the afternoon walking around the historic attractions and the pretty park in the center. I had a great time seeing the pretty trees, cacti, and other plants. We ate Mexican for lunch and had ice cream later in the afternoon.

We went back to the hotel and swam. Then we napped the rest of the afternoon and went out to the Gaslamp quarter for dinner. On the way back to the hotel (we took the trolley) Evan fell asleep. I lifted him out of the stroller to get on the trolley and he stayed asleep the whole way home!! He doesn't fall asleep like that much anymore. I loved holding him while he slept. :-)

On Sunday we spent the afternoon lazing around and napping. Matt's friend who lives nearby came and picked us up (he even borrowed a car seat) and took us to Coronado. It's a beautiful island with a cute little town, beautiful houses, and a great beach. I've decided that someday I want to live there! Although I would be paying the same price as a 4 bedroom home with an acre of land in NC for a 1-2 bedroom house with almost no yard in Coronado!! lol We had lunch HERE and then walked across the island (through the awesome neighborhoods) to the beach. We walked up and down the beach for awhile and then Matt's friend drove us just outside the city to see the condo he bought (he didn't even have the keys yet!). It was amazing driving through the hills outside the city at sunset. SOOOO beautiful. I think a part of me was made to live in southern Cali. I just love love love the desert hills.

Monday we flew back to Charlotte. This time Matt flew with us and we were in coach. Evan slept about an hour and a half (he slept GREAT the whole time we were there, he was worn out from the time change and all of the things we did!) on my lap. He just sprawled out on his tummy and went to sleep. He's so heavy both of my legs fell asleep from his weight! He was a little fussier on the flight home, but after he woke up he was better.

So now we are back in Charlotte where the temperature highs are 99* and the humidity is up to 85%. :-P

Tag! photo

I was tagged by Sara to post the 8th photo in my 8th picture folder. Wonder what it'll be.........

Well, I wish I could say it was an adorable picture of my adorable son, but that's just not true. So here it is:

lol! Yeah, I took that picture when my odometer switched to 80,085 miles.

But here's the picture that was in the #7 slot. Much better!! Evan LOVES Matt's work ID tag and grabs it the second Matt picks him up after arriving home from work.

I tag anyone who wants to participate! I'm supposed to choose 8 people, but there's just no way for me to choose.

Swap

I participated in a blogger swap and received a package from Becky in Tasmania!! She and I have been friends for years now and it was awesome to switch packages! As a matter of fact, we've decided to do it more often. :-)

She sent an outfit for Evan, a stuffed Tasmanian devil toy, a board book about Tasmanian devils (LOVE!), 2 bars of her favorite candy (yum!), a picture frame (the glass broke, but I think it will be fine without it and I love the butterflies!), 2 book marks, a bracelet, a key chain, a book called "Mother Wisdom" (I haven't read it all yet, but the parts I have read are so precious), and a beautiful butterfly pin.

I feel like I'm forgetting something and I very well may be! lol I was so excited when the package came. Matt and I opened it up and started going through all of the stuff (and Matt immediately ate one of the candy bars), so it wasn't until a couple of days later that I remembered to take pictures. Now Matt wants a Tasmanian devil for a pet and I keep "chasing" Evan around with the Tasmanian devil toy. haha! Evan is going to know more about those animals than any other American boy!!!

I'm very excited and can't wait for Evan to be able to fit in his outfit (it's just a little too big right now, which is good because if it was 12m size he'd be growing out of it in a couple of weeks.

I was touched at how thoughtful Becky was. She remembered that I love butterflies and reading and it was really sweet of her to send stuff that Evan could enjoy too! Thanks, Becky!

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!!

Evan loved the fireworks last night! We sat farther away than we normally do, which worked out great. The weather was beautiful yesterday (much cooler than it's been the past couple of months with a high of 83*). We went to the parade in the morning, had a cookout with my family for lunch AND supper, and then went to see the fireworks. Matt ended up staying home and went with us. When the fireworks started Evan was grinning as he stared at them! He sat so still and quiet the entire time, completely fascinated. It was such a great experience, I'm glad I'll have these memories for the rest of my life.

10 months old

The day after Evan turned 10 months old it was like a switch was flipped in his head and he started crawling everywhere. He's been crawling for months, but staying in the living area. He started crawling down the hallway and sometimes into the office, but never ventured anywhere else and didn't crawl for long distances. However, all of a sudden he is all over the place! It was so weird how it happened...one day he was staying close by and the next day I couldn't keep him out of the kitchen, utility room, bathroom, office, and bedroom! Not that I necessarily want to keep him out of all those places, but I just have to watch him in those places. And if I ever do try to keep him in the living area....well...yeah right. lol He will try to go where he wants over and over and over no matter how many times I move him.

We're having a good time and I have to say, it's more entertaining now that he's on the move all the time. Sometimes it's hard, but for the most part I don't mind. He's also started trying to get into the kitchen cabinets and the bathroom drawers. I put a lock thing on the cabinet doors under our kitchen sink since I have some cleaners in there. I am planning on putting drawer locks on the drawers in the bathroom because they are very easy to pull out and he often hangs on them and then loses his balance and falls on the tile floor. Other than that I don't plan to baby proof any more than that except for putting a lock on the toilet lids.

He has 3 teeth (two bottom and one top), but he's been very cranky and clingy this week. Earlier in the week he only wanted me to hold him. Not my mom, not my sister, not Matt... just me. And he was whining constantly. This lasted a couple of days. I knew it was teething, but that fourth tooth still hasn't broke through (well, I haven't looked today, so maybe it has by now). His first tooth was rough. He was fine until the day after it broke through. Then it was 4 days of constant whining and fussiness. His second and third teeth were fine. He cried one night in NO with his second and then with his third there were a couple of nights I think it was bothering him, but nothing like before. And now this fourth one is rough too.

He is starting to walk around while holding things much more. He's been doing it for about 3-4 weeks now, but just since last week he's doing it more and more for longer periods of time. It's hard to get him to "walk" to me because he knows perfectly well the best way to get around is by crawling. So when I want him to come to me he sits down and crawls. lol

I'm trying to teach him to clap and do the "so big" motions when I ask how big Evan is. Some of his friends do that so of course I want Evan to do it. ;-) He has no desire to sit still long enough to do those things though! I try to sit and interact with him, but he wants to move!! However, he is more cuddly than he was a few months ago. He'll sit in my lap while I read books to him. Throughout the day he'll climb up into my lap just to give me a hug. LOVE LOVE LOVE that!!

He kissed Matt for the first time last week and then on Monday he kissed my sister for the first time. It was so sweet because he was going to kiss Melissa, but she didn't know what he was doing so she pulled away. I told her I was pretty sure he wanted to kiss her. So she held still and he went for her again. She moved towards him slightly and he slowly moved towards her and gave her the gentlest kiss! It was like he knew she didn't understand the first time and was trying to be slow and gentle for her. So far she's the only person he's kissed except Matt and I. He loves giving my mom hugs now too though.

He's saying more sounds now. He started babbling "dadadada" last week. I think soon he'll be saying "dada" meaning Matt since he babbled "mamama" before saying "mama" meaning me. He's also saying sounds like "ninini" and "nienienie" (that just started the past 2 days) and today he even said something that sounded like "okay."

So what are your 4th of July plans? The town Matt and I usually go to to watch fireworks is having their parade and fireworks on the 3rd this year since the 4th is on a Sunday and they don't want to interfere with church plans. However, Matt RSVPd to go to a wedding on the evening of the 3rd (ugg, I told him I didn't want him to go, but he insisted...and it isn't even for a friend of his, it's a co-worker and it's 3 hours away). So I'm just trying to decide if I'll go watch the fireworks with my family without Matt or if I should wait for him and go with just him and Evan on the 4th (when they have fireworks in downtown Charlotte). I just love the town's fireworks and I wanted to go with my family. But...I don't know how Evan will act the first time he sees fireworks. I'm afraid he might hate it and scream and cry.

How did your little one react to fireworks for the first time? How old were they?

crazy cats continued

Thanks for all of the honest and supportive comments on my last post! A lot of new things have come up on this subject....and I am still undecided on what to do.

We took Firefly to the vet last week because we suspected she had another bladder infection (she also had one in January). Matt took her and told the vet how aggressive she's become in the last year. She immediately said she thought Firefly should go on "kitty prozac" because of the sudden change in personality! She then asked if there's been any stress in her life. Matt told her we have a 9 month old son. He told her more details and she's pretty certain that Firefly just isn't adjusting to Evan and probably won't without some help -- in the form of "kitty prozac" that costs $20 a month (figures). It's also "convenient" that it comes in the form of a capsule pill that we have to give her EVERY DAY. The first 3 nights we gave it to her we spent about 30 minutes each night trying to force it down her throat (last night was the 4th and it only took 5 very painful stressful minutes). She then spends the entire night and most of the next day hiding under the bed pouting. One of Matt's co-workers summed it up nicely - "so you are forcing pills down her throat every day to make her like you more?" lol

It should take effect in about 3 weeks. The vet said we should notice a huge difference in her personality. She will have to be on the meds about 4 months before going to every other day, then another few months before weaning off them altogether. The vet said that if she reverts back to her aggressive behavior after that we should definitely find a new home for her for her health and Evan's safety. The stress of having Evan in the house is causing her aggression, causing her to stop grooming herself, and causing the recurring bladder infections. The doctor did a complete physical exam and a urine test just to make sure there wasn't bacteria or some other pain causing the problems and sure enough, it was all clear, meaning that it is stress causing these problems. The vet said she wouldn't be surprised if she lost some of the excess weight after being on the meds too. I'm not even going to say what all of this cost us (not including the monthly payments for the meds). Well...I'll just say it was over $300. Over $350. Over....nah, it wasn't over $400 thankfully!!!

So for her we're wondering should we keep her and hope that the meds work? For all we know in 7-8 months we might be back at square one. Plus if she can't handle Evan how is she going to handle a second baby addition and possibly a third in the future? How is she going to handle it when Evan is older and has friends over on a regular basis? How is she going to handle moving to a new house someday? I just feel like it would really be best for her to live with an older person/people who are established and not going to go through any big changes. I'm wondering how I'm going to continue her medicine when Matt is out of town. It's hard enough giving it to her with both of us working at it. And what are we going to do when we both go out of town next month?? It's way too hard to ask my sister or a friend to do that for us. But we'll see, we still haven't made any decisions.

Serenity....*sigh* She has become even worse with Evan. He has scratches all up and down his arms. One was especially nasty (bleeding) and he cried after she did it (he rarely cries when she scratches him). I've taken to locking her up the entire time he's awake. He knows that she'll hurt him now and ignores her until she continually positions herself to be right in front of him. She'll even go up and rub her head all over him until he grabs her fur (then she immediately hisses and scratches him). I have been especially vigilant with watching him lately. The other day she was in the room with us and I had to run to the next room to grab my brush. I started out and looked to see where Serenity was. She was following me. Great! I don't have to lock her up just to go grab something. I grab it and return to the room about 10 seconds later. She's laying next to him. Huh? She must have turned around and ran back in after I saw her following me. Oh well. Look at Evan's arm. New scratch. Wow. I can't even leave him alone for 10 seconds if she's on the loose.

Every time I see Evan's arms I make the decision to find a new home for her. But then at night or during nap time I think, "nooo, I can't get rid of her. She's my favorite." At this point I'm still undecided. We ordered Soft Paws for her and will try them out again. We tried them when she was a kitten and within 2 days half of them had fallen off. Another 2 days and they had all fallen off. But maybe now that she isn't as active they will stay on and will work.

To be honest, part of me wants to get rid of them just because of the messes they make. The hair, the cat food all over the living room, the pieces of cat litter all over the house. So with all of the real problems added to that, it makes me want to get rid of them. *sigh* Oh well....I just don't know what to do. Last night I had made the firm decision to go ahead and try to find a home for them (we'd probably have to separate them which I doubt will bother them at this point since they rarely hang out together). We don't have to give them up if we aren't comfortable with the home they would be going to. But now I'm not so sure... ahhhH!!!!!

crazy cats

These cats are seriously driving me insane. I know I haven't talked much about them since having Evan. They've been bothering me for a little over a year now for various reasons, but things seem to be getting worse now.

I'll start with Firefly. When we moved in 2 years ago she probably weighed about 9 pounds (and we thought she was big then!). She was beautiful and friendly and everyone who came over loved her and she loved them.

Serenity was the bad and shy cat. Weird combination, I know! She was a little demon in our apartment, constantly tearing things up (including 2 leather couches). However, she is scared of everyone who comes in the house (except my brother, oddly enough). She's always been high maintenance, but it's better the past year since she "grew up."

Now Firefly is a huge (she got up to 15.5 pounds), mean, grumpy cat who doesn't clean herself properly. Her fur is tangled and has clumps that we're always having to cut out. We took her to the vet back in January and the vet said she is too overweight which is why she can't reach several areas on her body to clean (including one area that you really want a cat to clean, especially an indoor cat...). We started giving both cats senior cat food which apparently has less calories or something and we restricted how much we give them. We took her back to the vet 2 weeks later and she had already lost 1 pound. To be honest I had no clue that she was unhealthily overweight. My parents have a HUGE cat (19 pounds) that I grew up with and so I just compare mine to theirs....Firefly didn't seem so big then. lol Anyway, I was excited about her losing weight. I thought maybe that's why she's become so aggressive and mean the past year and a half, because she isn't healthy and is uncomfortable. Unfortunately she hasn't lost any more weight (that I can tell) and she still isn't grooming herself properly and she's still mean. She will scratch anyone who touches her and has even gone out of her way to attack me when I was sitting down on the couch beside her.

The problem is that she comes and sits right next to you...but when you move she'll scratch you. I just wish that if she was going to be so mean she would stay out of our way. Also, we'll have visitors come by and she'll come right up to them and rub against them but if they pet her she'll scratch them and hiss. I now have to warn everyone not to touch her even though she seems friendly. For awhile I thought maybe she was in pain and that explained it, but the vet seemed to think everything was good except for her being overweight.

Serenity is too smart for her own good and always has been. She now knows that she can get away with anything since I can't yell at her or run after her while taking care of Evan. She waits until I'm rocking or feeding him or until just after I've put him in his crib and he is about to go to sleep. She'll start tearing up the couch or clothes hamper or something else she shouldn't be scratching. If I'm feeding Evan, giving him a bath, or rocking him I can't do anything. I can't run after her and if I yell it scares Evan and he starts to cry. She's too far away to spray with water and that doesn't work anyway (that actually encourages her to do bad things because it becomes a game).

Now that Evan is moving she will go and lay down right in front of him. He'll pull her fur or her tail and she'll hiss and swipe at him. If I'm around I'll make him stop and keep him away from her, but she gets into his gated play area with him. The reason I put that gate up was so that he can play and I don't have to constantly watch him. Well the other day she scratched him on the head....big time. You can see 4 scratch marks where all of her claws dug into him. It bled pretty badly too. She also got him on the other side of his head, but not as bad. Now what if she had scratched him 2 inches lower? She would have scratched his eye. It's bad enough having those marks on his head, but what if they were on his face? I was getting ready for church when it happened and I wasn't able to make it on time because I had to clean the cuts. Plus I didn't want him to go to church looking all beat up. I'm now trying to shut her up in the office when I am busy and put him in his play area. But that's hard to do when I'm in a hurry getting ready because I don't want to waste time chasing her around to put her in the room and I don't want to forget and leave her in there in my hurry to get out of the house.

*sigh* I know this is so long but I just don't know what to do about these cats. Part of me wants to try to find another home for them where they can't hurt Evan or another little baby. Firefly has never scratched him but that's because she doesn't follow him around and we don't let him near her. But I'm afraid one day I won't be watching and he'll get close to her. And obviously Serenity puts herself right in front of him and follows him everywhere he goes, but will still scratch him if he hurts or scares her.

And then another part thinks we should keep them. We took on a responsibility when we adopted them. They were like our children at one point. They helped me so much when I wanted a baby but couldn't have one. And when I couldn't find a job and was so depressed being in the apartment all day...they gave me something to do and kept me company. And it would be so hard for them to adjust to another place and other people.

So what would you do if you had a mean cat that could possibly do a lot of damage to your baby and a bad cat that tears up your furniture and scratches your baby on a daily basis??

Babies *UPDATED

I have to congratulate a lot of ladies on Blogger! I don't think I can even remember them all.... so if I miss you just let me know. :-)

Congratulations to Annie Marie who had her beautiful little girl a month ago! No pictures yet, but the baby has a beautiful name. Go check it out and congratulate the mommy!

Nyteslight found out she's having a girl this July! She found out awhile ago, but I don't think I recognized it on here. She also doesn't have internet at her new apartment, so I'm anxious about how I'm going to find out when she has her daughter!

Stacey found out she is expecting a little girl as well!! I can't wait until September to "meet" her!!

Any day now I'll be congratulating Wife on the arrival of her son.... she is 39 weeks along.

**UPDATED: I knew I was leaving someone out! Alyssa is pregnant with her second baby! She's due in January 2011, but will be induced sometime in December. :-) I'm so happy for her and am excited that she is going to have 2 kids so close together!

9 Month Appointment

Evan just had his 9 month appointment today although at this point he's closer to 10 months old than 9! His doctor, Dr. S, is SOOOOO busy. He's definitely the busiest doctor at the office we visit. I kind of wish we had gone with another doctor from the beginning, but Dr. S is really nice and great with Evan, so we'll stick with him. We can always see him at well visits (just not always "on time") and thankfully Evan hasn't had many sick visits.

They didn't do any shots at this visit, but they did prick his finger and collect blood to test iron levels. Evan didn't flinch at all! I don't know if he couldn't feel it or what, but he stayed very still while the nurse collected the blood. Such a sweetie! Everything looks great, I have a perfectly healthy son at this point. :-)

Weight: 18 lbs, 15 oz (25%)

Height: 29 inches (75%)

Head cir: 18.5 inches (90%)

Dr. S confirmed that Evan can eat anything as long as Matt and I aren't allergic to it. That includes egg whites, which is good since I just scrambled eggs for Evan this morning and didn't separate the whites. ;-) Also my mom scrambled an entire egg for him a couple of weeks ago. My goal for myself and for Evan is to eat fish once a week. We ate a lot in New Orleans and since coming home we've done mahi mahi and tuna. I bought some sea perch today. Never had it, but I figure I'll buy whatever's on sale at the grocery store and we'll try some new things. Any suggestions on good fish or good ways to cook fish (especially perch, since that's what I have right now!)? I know i personally love tilapia with mango salsa -- yum!! I've never made it, but I'm planning on getting around to it one of these days.

Dr. S also talked about weaning Evan. He said anytime after 10 months I can just start giving him whole milk instead of nursing him. Crazy that I'm so close!! I'm planning on waiting until he's a year old, then I will start weaning. Hopefully I can get him to take milk in a sippy cup instead of bottle at that point. I think he'll wean really well. I know not all babies adjust so well, but Evan doesn't have a lot of interest in nursing. I actually think he prefers not to, but too bad. ;-) At this point I'm only giving him a bottle of breast milk in the afternoon or evening after he's nursed as a supplement.

Evan has been waking up in the middle of the night since coming home from New Orleans. He actually wakes up at about 5:30 - 6:30. I've been feeding him because I thought maybe he was hungry. But it's getting old and I don't think he's waking up hungry...I think it's just becoming a habit. I talked to the doctor and he thinks the same thing and said I probably shouldn't keep feeding him because it'll get to be a habit. So in the morning I am not going to feed him. I'll let him cry for 20 minutes then I'll go in and rock him and put him back down. Of course this is the night Matt is out of town, but I want to fix this ASAP. He's been such a great nighttime sleeper since he was 7 weeks old with the exception of growth spurts or traveling. I think being in NO for so long threw him off and that's why he started waking up.

Speaking of traveling, we're going to Asheville next week (over Father's Day weekend) along with my family to visit my brother. Then next month Evan and I will be flying out to San Diego, CA to meet Matt and have a little vacation!! It'll be Evan's first time flying and I'm nervous and excited that I'll be taking him on the plane by myself. Matt will be in San Diego all week for business and I'll meet up with him on a Thursday so we can spend the weekend there. I'm so excited!!

9 Months Old

It's AMAZING how much he's changed since turning 9 months! It seemed like a lot of stuff happened during month 7, but month 9 is also turning into a big month.

Let's see if I can even begin to recount what's been going on with Evan......

*He kissed me for the first time while we were in New

Orleans. He had slept part of the night on the bed with Matt and me. When he woke up in the morning he crawled over to me, crawled up on me, and gave me a sloppy kiss. SO SWEET!

*he started saying "Mama" -- meaning ME!! He turned from him saying it when he only wanted me (which was when he was tired or hungry) to now saying it every time he wants something. Whether that's food, a toy, or something he isn't supposed to have.

*He started saying "hey." I think he started saying this around the same time as "Mama," while we were in New Orleans. It might have even been before. I didn't realize that's what he was saying at first.

*He started crawling on his hands and knees - fast. He had mostly been doing the army crawl, only crawling on his hands and knees a little and not far before he'd fall. But after returning home from NO he was crawling like a pro!

*He started "playing" with Serenity (our cat). She actually loves the attention. She'll plop down right in front of him and he'll grab a fistful of hair and pull. She'll get up, turn around, and plop right back down in front of him. If she's walking near him he'll start chasing her. The other day I walked in the room and he was completely on top of her. Yep, she's scratched him twice (on the hand). You'd think they'd both learn a lesson, but so far neither has.

*He started pulling up onto his knees.

*He started going from his belly (or crawling) to a sitting position. Before he could go from sitting to crawling, but not crawling to sitting/pulling up.

*He started pulling up to a standing position.

And my absolute favorite.......

*He started waving and saying "bye bye"!!!!!!!! My mom and sister heard him the first time. We were visiting my grandparents and they went into the house to bring him out to the car so we could go to the beach. They told him to say goodbye to my grandparents and as they were walking out the door he waved and said "bye bye." They told me when they came out to the car and I figured they had misunderstood or were exaggerating. But when we were at the beach I was sitting with Evan on a picnic table. I was feeding him, but he was distracted by the birds and people around us. He started watching a family walk out to their car. There was a little girl in a bright yellow dress trailing behind the rest of the family members. Evan lifted his hand and started flapping his fingers. I thought he was acting different...concentrating very hard. He held still except for his fingers and suddenly he said, clear as day, "bye bye." There was no mistaking it! It still amazes me just remembering it! He was watching the little girl as he did it.

2 years

Saturday the 29th was the second anniversary of our miscarriage. I'm so sad that nobody remembers our baby anymore. I don't mean that I expect friends to remember. And I don't even expect our family to say or do anything. But it's just that I could tell they didn't even have an idea that it was the 29th, 2 years since we lost our first baby. I don't think Matt remembered. It just makes me sad that it seems I'm the only one to think about it. I didn't want to spend the day moping or being depressed, but it was hard not to. I knew we were going over to my parents' house that evening and I was prepared for that. But I wasn't prepared to entertain my brother and sister all day for lunch and the rest of the afternoon. I had wanted them to come by to pick up the chaise lounge my sister is taking, but I didn't mean come to hang out for so long! Matt asked them to come a lot sooner than I had wanted them to. It was just hard to entertain while also being so sad.

I still feel bitter and sad and angry about it 2 years later. Maybe those who have lost a loved one or a child will understand. I remember my first baby every day. I have a box with the positive pregnancy tests (which, when I looked the other day, still looked the exact same as they did when I put them in there), pictures of us the day we found out about the pregnancy (5/18/08), and print outs of my blog posts about the pregnancy (not posts about the m/c). There's also a list of the names I'd started making after finding out about the pregnancy. Anyway, I feel like I'm keeping this stuff...and it's for nothing. Like, that little baby will never grow up and I'll say, "Here's this box...I was thinking of you even when you were still inside me. This is the story of how we found out we were going to have you..." I'm just so sorry for my baby. That he/she ended up with me...and look what happened.

I'm so disappointed in the people I know. That they can treat a miscarriage so flippantly. If I had had an abortion they would have been upset and there may have been tears and it would have been the death of a baby. But an early miscarriage at the same time? No big deal. The only emotions were them feeling a little sorry for me for about 5 minutes of the day, and then it was "get over it." I'm most angry at my in-laws' reactions. I still am. For those of you who were reading 2 years ago you may remember that the first time I saw my in-laws after the m/c they treated me horribly. We're having a different problem with them now and that makes the anniversary of our miscarriage even worse. They didn't care about our first baby, they didn't care that it took so many months of loneliness to conceive another baby, and now the worst thing is that they don't care about Evan.

Last year I think I was more positive. Grief comes in waves, sometimes it's easier to accept what happened than others. Sometimes I can mask it or pretend to be positive. But right now I don't feel like putting on an act. I feel like expressing my grief about my loss and my anger at the people who should have been supportive but chose not to be.

NOLA

I loved New Orleans! We had such a good time on our trip and Evan was great (in spite of the fact that his second tooth broke through the morning we left).

We left on Friday the 14th and arrived late that night at our friend's dad's house. We spent the night there and attended her graduation the next morning. Yep, Evan sat through the whole graduation and was such a sweetie. The only time he made any noise was he cried twice because the ladies behind us kept shrieking and yelling and it scared him. Which, by the way, I find

very disrespectful. It didn't bother me quite as much at this graduation because overall people

were more mature and considerate (we just happened to sit in front of some of the ones who weren't), but at my brother's graduation it was much worse and it makes me angry that some people don't get to hear their loved one's name announced because the people around them are

acting like drunk rednecks at a sporting event.

After her graduation we spent the day at her reception and then Matt, Evan, and I went to stay in a hotel that night. The next day (Sunday) we went to our first crawfish boil. It was SO fun!! I didn't know what to expect since I've only ever eaten crawfish in a pasta dish once before. You boil crawfish alive like you do lobsters and so they had buckets of live crawfish when we got there. They put them in a huge pot over a cooker along with potatoes, mushrooms, lemons, and spices. Christine's family served them on large trays on the picnic tables outside and taught us how to crack them open to get to the meat. Just thinking of it makes me want some!!! I wish they sold crawfish around here. It was messy, but SO worth it. :-)

We swam in the pool - the first time in years I've been in a full sized pool and the very first time for Evan! He loved it. I took him out at one point because the sun went behind a cloud and I saw him shivering. I sat on the pool deck with him wrapped in a towel and he spent the whole time trying to get back into the pool! Christine's aunt took him back in the pool and he was giggling and laughing. :-)

We went to New Orleans on Monday and spent the evening walking around and going out for dinner. Once again, Evan was SO well behaved! We ended up going to a fancy restaurant (the manager came out while we were standing outside

talking about what to do and convinced us to eat there). I was really nervous about Evan being there, but he was better behaved than half the adults in there!

Tuesday we went to the aquarium and I'm so glad we did! Evan's favorite thing there were the jellyfish by far. LOVED them. He kept trying to grab them. lol My favorite thing was the otter. Or the penguins. Or the seahorses. Or petting the stingrays. I can't decide!

That night Christine's mom came to the hotel to watch Evan while we went out to dinner, to Bourbon Street, and then the casino. It was so nice of her to volunteer to do that. I didn't expect anyone to do that and didn't expect to get to go to Bourbon St or to the casino. I actually think I was doing her mom a favor. lol Her entire family LOVED Evan and I was actually a little afraid one of them would run off with him. ;-)

Wednesday we went to the WWII museum and the Riverwalk. I ate my first po-boy. Fried catfish on french bread in a sandwich. They also come in shrimp, oysters, and...I can't remember, but I think some other type of seafood. Our hotel overlooked the river and we could see the steamboats. So beautiful!!

Thursday we went to Jackson Square and saw the St Louis cathedral. We walked around all day stopping at restaurants and going into shops. We went back to the Riverwalk to Cafe du Monde and ate beignets (DELICIOUS!). New Orleans is beautiful! I wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. My dad has been twice on business and hated it (of course, his company put him in a hotel on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras....not his thing at all, lol).

That evening we headed back to Christine's hometown and stopped at a snowball stand. Once again, something that is SO GOOD that they don't have in NC. Evan tried some of our snowballs and he loved them too. :-)

Friday we headed to Mississippi to visit Christine's grandmother. We had met her at the graduation and she loved loved loved Evan. So we stayed the night at her house. Sure enough, she was trying to steal Evan away. She even wanted him to sleep in her bed with her! lol That night was a little rough, I think at that point he'd had enough. Thankfully he waited until he was in bed to lose it so he didn't "ruin" our visit with Christine's grandparents since we'd been there several hours at that point.

Then we headed back home. The trip home was rough. Evan was fussy the entire time. The next day he woke up with a cold. I think the week wore him out. I'm grateful that he was so good while we were there though. He's such a great traveler!

Anyway, next I'm going to post a 9 month description of Evan. He's changing SO MUCH!

Adios

We're going to New Orleans for 8 days! We're leaving Friday afternoon. I'm kind of nervous about being gone for so long. Hoping that Evan will continue to nurse well and won't start teething. The past 2 days he has whined and whined all day. Yesterday I stayed home all day since I wasn't feeling well (allergies) and today we didn't go out or do much in the afternoon, just a chiropractor appointment in the morning. I don't know if he was just bored or if he's teething or what, but I'm afraid it might be teething.

I am glad to spend so much time together as a family though. It will be great for Matt and Evan to spend so much time together!

Mama

Thanks for all of the supportive comments on my last post!!! I made a visit to the vitamin store last week and bought fenugreek. Haven't bought any of the mother's tea or anything, but I plan to. Have been eating oatmeal every day (I usually do that anyway) and trying my hardest to drink a lot of water.

AND today was the first day Evan has nursed every feeding time since his tooth broke through 3 weeks ago!!! I still gave him a bottle of breast milk after his last feeding, but at least he nursed!!! I'm SO SO SO glad! I'm just amazed at how well we're doing. I can't believe I was that close to quitting. I really was. I had made the decision to wean him. But after writing that last post I realized how much I wanted to keep trying. So I decided to give it one more chance.

My letdown is happening quicker now and I think Evan has realized it will happen if he just gives it a minute or so. I'm still afraid we'll have more problems next time a tooth breaks through or something, but at least my letdown is better and I'm having much more success pumping, which is encouraging.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was great. :-) I still felt a little melancholy though. I just feel bad for all of the women who are excluded. And it was a little confusing when people told me "happy first Mother's Day." I was a mother last year. I was pregnant with Evan and if I hadn't lost my first baby I would have had a 3-4 month old baby by the time Mother's Day came around. Like I posted last year, I feel like women who have had miscarriages/struggle with IF are still mothers.

Plus the situation with the in-laws as escalated to the point where Matt called MIL to talk again (he had this same discussion with her in November and it made no difference), but I think this time he was a little firmer. She says she feels bad and asked what she can do to make it better. And we don't know how she can make it better. If she hasn't wanted to be a part of Evan's life up to now, why would that be any different now? Anyway, she called me twice on Saturday to talk, but both times I didn't get her call (I didn't do it on purpose though!). I really should have called her back today, but didn't feel like getting into it all. But it kind of put a little damper on Mother's Day. I think MIL was expecting us to come over for a cookout and stuff. And I just don't get why she's the only one attempting to make things better. FIL just gets off...like he hasn't done anything. *sigh* oh well!!! On to happier things........

Anyway, when I wasn't taking care of the baby (Matt parked at church in the morning and then did some grocery shopping in the evening), I was able to relax and nap a little bit in the morning. We all went to a park down the road in the early evening. It was a gorgeous day and perfect for doing some light hiking on the trails. When we came home Matt cooked burgers on our new grill...it was the first time we've used it. They were delicious!! Evan gave me a card that is adorable and is now sitting on top of the TV. It might just stay there forever. :-) The best gift was Matt folding the laundry, doing the dishes, and cleaning the house. And all of those things are already piling up again. lol


I'm so excited that I'm a mama! I absolutely love it. :-) Evan is such a sweetheart and he's cracking me up these days with how active and quick he is. He's still pretty laid back compared to many babies his age, but he's changing so much. He never ceases to amaze me with how he can change from one day to the next.

hard times

The past week and a half of motherhood have been the hardest yet. Sure, the first few weeks of breastfeeding were harder, but I hate to officially say that was the hardest time of motherhood since I did have a beautiful new baby. So I say the past week is officially the hardest. Now, I always hate to complain, especially since so many of my blogger friends have/had infertility struggles and would be more than happy to trade places with me. So I'm complaining, but not about being a mother. It's hard to explain, but this isn't complaining about being a mom or having a baby at all.

It's about nursing problems. I have become a little superstitious the past several months. It seems like just when I brag about something it turns on me. So I should have known not to be proud of our breastfeeding accomplishments the past month or so. I've had a couple of conversations with people saying how much I love breastfeeding and how I'm so glad I stuck with it even though it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. The first few weeks were pure torture, but I stuck with it. I thought I'd be glad just to make it to 4 months and here I am 8 months later and planning to breastfeed for a YEAR! And now it is looking like I might be forced to wean Evan at less than 8.5 months.

While Evan was teething it hurt for him to suck, he wouldn't take a bottle either. So he skipped a few nursing sessions. He was also more irritable and so sometimes would just refuse to nurse and we'd give him a bottle. Then after the pain was gone he'd still refuse to nurse sometimes. The first couple of days I'd just give him a bottle and figured when the teething was completely over we'd get back on track. Not so. Now he only nurses 2-3 of 4 nursing sessions. It's a struggle to get him to do even that. The times he doesn't nurse I've started pumping so that my supply won't diminish. But the pumping isn't getting anything out. I will sit there pumping for up to 40 minutes (not easy with a mobile 8 month old!) and NOTHING.

I read to pump until let down and then nurse the baby so he gets an immediate "reward." But I can't get it to let down at all with the pump! My stash of frozen breast milk is getting low and it seems like let down is taking longer and longer when he does nurse. The whole feeding process takes over an hour (try to nurse, pump to see if I can get let down, give up, heat up frozen milk, bottle feed him, pump to see if I can get something out to keep up my supply, give up, rinse out/wash pump, finally feed him solids). Evan gets annoyed and I get annoyed. Often I find that I'm annoyed at HIM. It's hard to write this, but I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I feel angry, even a little angry at him. I feel that he is being very impatient. I think part of it is him learning that he can expect things and that he can BE annoyed. Before the past couple of weeks he just took everything as it came, he had no control. But he's getting more and more control over things and I think it's frustrating for him to not be able to control nursing. I know it's not his fault and he doesn't understand, but I still feel frustrated and wish that he could understand and be more patient.

Evan has never had a SIP of formula. We've tried giving it to him before (once a few days after he was born and went ALL DAY without eating because I was in so much pain and a few more times in January when my supply dwindled) and he refuses to drink it. I was so proud to have an exclusively breastfed baby, not even a sip of formula. So I was worried about weaning him onto formula because I knew he wouldn't take it. He'd have to skip a lot of feeding times before he'd drink it. The pediatrician said he could wean to cow's milk in May/June, but I know he means at least after Evan is 9 months old. I was hoping we could make it til then, but I don't know if we can. Especially since we'll be traveling to New Orleans in a couple of weeks and I don't think I'll be able to pump as often and we certainly won't be able to transport frozen breast milk.

Anyway, I talked to a nurse and she said how I can wean Evan to formula...start mixing it in with bottles of breast milk and gradually put more and more in there. This is SO HARD for me. I've cried a lot the past few days. I love breastfeeding. I really do. It's funny how I went from being unexcited about it (I was only doing it for his health) and not wanting to nurse in public, then to hating it with a passion (those first few weeks), to feeling very positively about it and taking a stance on breastfeeding and nursing him anywhere. I always used a cover, but still, you just don't see that very much around here. But I did it because women should be able to feed their babies anywhere, we shouldn't have to hide.

I feel guilty about making Evan drink the formula that he hates so much. I feel bad for myself because now I have to spend money on formula and wash bottles all the time. I feel betrayed because I was enjoying it so much and I feel like it's been taken from me. I know it's not anyone's fault, but still....that's just how I feel. I didn't make this decision, it's out of my hands, and that's hard because I feel like weaning should be a gradual thing that both mom and baby do together.

HOWEVER --- this morning I was ready to give up, but after talking to the nurse I'm determined to make this work. I'm drinking water like crazy and I'm going to buy some fenugreek. I want my supply to go back up. The nurse said the delayed let down sounds like a milk supply problem, so maybe, just maybe, I can fix this! I'm preparing myself for weaning, but I'm going to keep fighting for a couple of more days first.

8 months old

And his newest things (besides teeth!) are blowing raspberries (something he's been able to do for awhile now, but it's like he's discovered he can do it all the time), his cheese ball grin, eating finger foods on his own (Puffs), and bouncing in the Exersaucer.

7 months was the month of biggest changes. Evan changed SO MUCH. Not only the things he does, but also his personality. He's more opinionated, but still the mild, serious sweetheart he's always been. I just notice that he shows annoyance more often (and usually has a good cause to!). I spend less time wondering what he's thinking and how he feels because now I know.

We lowered his crib mattress again (one more time and it will be as low as it can go) because he's up on his hands and knees. He isn't pulling up on things yet, but if he did in the crib he could easily flip or fall out of it because he's so tall. We are also about to put away some of his things in the attic because he's outgrown them. His infant bath tub, his bouncer, and his swing. And in a couple of weeks we'll be putting away the infant carrier car seat and changing to the convertible seat. It's very bittersweet. I'm sad that he's growing, but excited and happy about it as well!

I found THIS bath tub at I.kea for $8! It's what we need. A couple of weeks ago I posted asking about baby bath tub solutions. It's small enough that it's easy to clean and doesn't need much water, but doesn't have all of those slanted sides and bumps on the bottom so he has more room.

So I leave you with a picture of the cheese ball grin:

Teefs

Evan's first tooth came in today! Matt discovered it first and is very proud of the fact. :-)