1 Year

It's been a year since my miscarriage. It's crazy to think about everything that's happened this past year. I still feel so sad for what I lost. For my baby, for my innocence, for my optimism, for my life before I suffered such a painful loss. It's crazy to think that exactly a year ago I went from being the happiest person in the world to the most miserable, all in one day. It's not fair that things had to happen that way, it's bad enough to have a miscarriage at all, but it seems even sadder that it happened at a time that should have been so perfect. Of course, it's always heartbreaking, no matter when it happens, but now I will always have the memories of my miscarriage associated with buying and moving into our first home. It's hard to celebrate owning a home for a year when that's also the anniversary of my miscarriage.

I'm so blessed, blessed to have survived a year. Blessed to have such a supportive husband who stuck with me through all of the hard times, blessed to have been able to do a lot of fun things over the past year, blessed to be pregnant again, blessed to have had a healthy and easy pregnancy so far. My heart aches for the women who suffer repeated losses, I can't imagine how hard that must be. Having one miscarriage has impacted me so incredibly much. I'll never be the same person, I'll always remember the horror and misery I experienced not only on May 29, 2008, but over the many months that followed. I'll always wonder about my first baby. I'll always feel sad to think of how many thousands of women have experienced the same thing I have. In one way it's been good to meet other women who know what I've been through, but it's also one of the saddest things I've seen, so many women who have lost babies whether once, twice, or even more.

The other day I visited THIS page and bought an awareness ribbon car magnet that I now have on my car in memory of my first baby. I want people to be more aware of what so many women go through. I want to reach out to other women who have experienced a miscarriage and that's not going to happen by sitting around keeping my loss to myself. For those of you who are on my blog list and have suffered a loss or multiple losses or are struggling with infertility, I want you to know that I pray for you all regularly. I'm always here if you want to talk. It's hard to see the good in a situation like the one I went through, but if anything positive came from my experience, it would be that I'm even more aware of what so many women go through and I'm willing to try to help them in any way I can, even if it's just to provide a listening ear.