Mama

Thanks for all of the supportive comments on my last post!!! I made a visit to the vitamin store last week and bought fenugreek. Haven't bought any of the mother's tea or anything, but I plan to. Have been eating oatmeal every day (I usually do that anyway) and trying my hardest to drink a lot of water.

AND today was the first day Evan has nursed every feeding time since his tooth broke through 3 weeks ago!!! I still gave him a bottle of breast milk after his last feeding, but at least he nursed!!! I'm SO SO SO glad! I'm just amazed at how well we're doing. I can't believe I was that close to quitting. I really was. I had made the decision to wean him. But after writing that last post I realized how much I wanted to keep trying. So I decided to give it one more chance.

My letdown is happening quicker now and I think Evan has realized it will happen if he just gives it a minute or so. I'm still afraid we'll have more problems next time a tooth breaks through or something, but at least my letdown is better and I'm having much more success pumping, which is encouraging.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was great. :-) I still felt a little melancholy though. I just feel bad for all of the women who are excluded. And it was a little confusing when people told me "happy first Mother's Day." I was a mother last year. I was pregnant with Evan and if I hadn't lost my first baby I would have had a 3-4 month old baby by the time Mother's Day came around. Like I posted last year, I feel like women who have had miscarriages/struggle with IF are still mothers.

Plus the situation with the in-laws as escalated to the point where Matt called MIL to talk again (he had this same discussion with her in November and it made no difference), but I think this time he was a little firmer. She says she feels bad and asked what she can do to make it better. And we don't know how she can make it better. If she hasn't wanted to be a part of Evan's life up to now, why would that be any different now? Anyway, she called me twice on Saturday to talk, but both times I didn't get her call (I didn't do it on purpose though!). I really should have called her back today, but didn't feel like getting into it all. But it kind of put a little damper on Mother's Day. I think MIL was expecting us to come over for a cookout and stuff. And I just don't get why she's the only one attempting to make things better. FIL just gets off...like he hasn't done anything. *sigh* oh well!!! On to happier things........

Anyway, when I wasn't taking care of the baby (Matt parked at church in the morning and then did some grocery shopping in the evening), I was able to relax and nap a little bit in the morning. We all went to a park down the road in the early evening. It was a gorgeous day and perfect for doing some light hiking on the trails. When we came home Matt cooked burgers on our new grill...it was the first time we've used it. They were delicious!! Evan gave me a card that is adorable and is now sitting on top of the TV. It might just stay there forever. :-) The best gift was Matt folding the laundry, doing the dishes, and cleaning the house. And all of those things are already piling up again. lol


I'm so excited that I'm a mama! I absolutely love it. :-) Evan is such a sweetheart and he's cracking me up these days with how active and quick he is. He's still pretty laid back compared to many babies his age, but he's changing so much. He never ceases to amaze me with how he can change from one day to the next.

hard times

The past week and a half of motherhood have been the hardest yet. Sure, the first few weeks of breastfeeding were harder, but I hate to officially say that was the hardest time of motherhood since I did have a beautiful new baby. So I say the past week is officially the hardest. Now, I always hate to complain, especially since so many of my blogger friends have/had infertility struggles and would be more than happy to trade places with me. So I'm complaining, but not about being a mother. It's hard to explain, but this isn't complaining about being a mom or having a baby at all.

It's about nursing problems. I have become a little superstitious the past several months. It seems like just when I brag about something it turns on me. So I should have known not to be proud of our breastfeeding accomplishments the past month or so. I've had a couple of conversations with people saying how much I love breastfeeding and how I'm so glad I stuck with it even though it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. The first few weeks were pure torture, but I stuck with it. I thought I'd be glad just to make it to 4 months and here I am 8 months later and planning to breastfeed for a YEAR! And now it is looking like I might be forced to wean Evan at less than 8.5 months.

While Evan was teething it hurt for him to suck, he wouldn't take a bottle either. So he skipped a few nursing sessions. He was also more irritable and so sometimes would just refuse to nurse and we'd give him a bottle. Then after the pain was gone he'd still refuse to nurse sometimes. The first couple of days I'd just give him a bottle and figured when the teething was completely over we'd get back on track. Not so. Now he only nurses 2-3 of 4 nursing sessions. It's a struggle to get him to do even that. The times he doesn't nurse I've started pumping so that my supply won't diminish. But the pumping isn't getting anything out. I will sit there pumping for up to 40 minutes (not easy with a mobile 8 month old!) and NOTHING.

I read to pump until let down and then nurse the baby so he gets an immediate "reward." But I can't get it to let down at all with the pump! My stash of frozen breast milk is getting low and it seems like let down is taking longer and longer when he does nurse. The whole feeding process takes over an hour (try to nurse, pump to see if I can get let down, give up, heat up frozen milk, bottle feed him, pump to see if I can get something out to keep up my supply, give up, rinse out/wash pump, finally feed him solids). Evan gets annoyed and I get annoyed. Often I find that I'm annoyed at HIM. It's hard to write this, but I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I feel angry, even a little angry at him. I feel that he is being very impatient. I think part of it is him learning that he can expect things and that he can BE annoyed. Before the past couple of weeks he just took everything as it came, he had no control. But he's getting more and more control over things and I think it's frustrating for him to not be able to control nursing. I know it's not his fault and he doesn't understand, but I still feel frustrated and wish that he could understand and be more patient.

Evan has never had a SIP of formula. We've tried giving it to him before (once a few days after he was born and went ALL DAY without eating because I was in so much pain and a few more times in January when my supply dwindled) and he refuses to drink it. I was so proud to have an exclusively breastfed baby, not even a sip of formula. So I was worried about weaning him onto formula because I knew he wouldn't take it. He'd have to skip a lot of feeding times before he'd drink it. The pediatrician said he could wean to cow's milk in May/June, but I know he means at least after Evan is 9 months old. I was hoping we could make it til then, but I don't know if we can. Especially since we'll be traveling to New Orleans in a couple of weeks and I don't think I'll be able to pump as often and we certainly won't be able to transport frozen breast milk.

Anyway, I talked to a nurse and she said how I can wean Evan to formula...start mixing it in with bottles of breast milk and gradually put more and more in there. This is SO HARD for me. I've cried a lot the past few days. I love breastfeeding. I really do. It's funny how I went from being unexcited about it (I was only doing it for his health) and not wanting to nurse in public, then to hating it with a passion (those first few weeks), to feeling very positively about it and taking a stance on breastfeeding and nursing him anywhere. I always used a cover, but still, you just don't see that very much around here. But I did it because women should be able to feed their babies anywhere, we shouldn't have to hide.

I feel guilty about making Evan drink the formula that he hates so much. I feel bad for myself because now I have to spend money on formula and wash bottles all the time. I feel betrayed because I was enjoying it so much and I feel like it's been taken from me. I know it's not anyone's fault, but still....that's just how I feel. I didn't make this decision, it's out of my hands, and that's hard because I feel like weaning should be a gradual thing that both mom and baby do together.

HOWEVER --- this morning I was ready to give up, but after talking to the nurse I'm determined to make this work. I'm drinking water like crazy and I'm going to buy some fenugreek. I want my supply to go back up. The nurse said the delayed let down sounds like a milk supply problem, so maybe, just maybe, I can fix this! I'm preparing myself for weaning, but I'm going to keep fighting for a couple of more days first.

5 months old & first foods

My baby turned 5 months old yesterday! It's absolutely amazing that it's been so long since I had him. I can't even describe how I feel about it. Proud, a little melancholy (he's growing too fast!), excited, content....

(Matt and I took Evan to a free preview at a Gymboree class yesterday.)

We've moved into size 3 diapers. He's still in size 3-6 month clothes. I had estimated that he'd move into 6-9 months at this point, but the 3-6 months are still fitting well. His new favorite thing to do at this point is scratching on things with his fingers. Especially the sheets in his crib. He now sleeps on his tummy (we put him in on his back and he flips himself over...the doctor said it is fine for him to sleep however he wants at this point). So when he's really tired he'll lay on his tummy and aimlessly scratch the sheets. It's kind of weird.

Last Friday we started him on rice cereal which i think I already mentioned. We give it to him at his 11:30 feeding (2nd feeding) and his 6:30 feeding (4th feeding). I was going to do 3 times a day like the Babywise book says, but decided to follow the pediatrician's instructions of doing it twice a day instead since Evan is starting a little earlier than the Babywise books recommends (they want you to wait until 6 months if possible).

The bummer thing about this past week was my milk supply dropping a lot. I had noticed Evan was crying while eating and just after, but I thought it was his reflux acting up. I should have put all the signs together (less poop, crying, my milk not dropping for several minutes, him waking earlier in the morning...), but it wasn't until I pumped after feeding him one time and didn't get anything that I started to wonder. A couple of feedings I've pumped instead of feeding him and only less than 3 ounces would come out! We tried giving him formula when he'd cry after finishing, but he wouldn't take it. So he obviously wasn't starving.

Anyway, I've been drinking more and feeding him more often. I meant to go buy some fenugreek since a couple of people recommended that, but I never did make it to the health store. By the time I had the opportunity to make a trip there I felt like my milk was starting to come back. It's been letting down quicker, Evan isn't crying after eating, and he has milk around his mouth just after eating again. I feel like the reason this happened is because I wasn't drinking enough water.

Yesterday I made some sweet potatoes for Evan. I baked 3 sweet potatoes and then mashed them with some breast milk. They were still all stringy though so I put them through the food processor and after that they looked smooth like the pictures of homemade sweet potato puree I've seen. I put them in ice cube treys and froze them. It made A LOT. But the good thing about it is that I'll definitely use them and this just saved me some time. It's a good thing he liked them!

Actually, I think I can safely say he loved them. When we put them in his mouth I don't think he knew it was food. He sat there grinning with the food sitting in his mouth. When he finally swallowed he smiled again and immediately opened his mouth for more. He kept up the smiling and immediately opening his mouth after swallowing the whole time. He even laughed a few times! :-)

Schedule

8:00 AM - Wake up & eat
Wake time - During this time I hold him on the couch for a little while, then put him on the floor to play for awhile. I also wash his face, brush his hair, and do any other necessary cleaning like his nose, ears, etc. We do a few minutes of tummy time and sometimes listen to music. I take the most pictures of him during this wake period. I don't have much energy to do anything else. ;-)
9:30 AM - Nap time (If I have time, I take a nap now too)

11:30 AM - Wake up & eat
Wake time - He spends some of this wake period alone while I get ready (wash face, contacts, get dressed) unless I had something to do in the morning and got ready during his first wake time. When he's alone I like to put him under his play gym or in his swing with the mobile on and music playing. He also spends some of this wake time on his blanket on the living room floor and does some tummy time.
1:00 PM - Nap time

3:00 PM - Wake up & eat
Wake time - Once again, he spends most of this wake time on the floor since that's what he loves the most. I try to hold him on the couch and walk him around the house a little bit. If it's nice we'll go on a walk outside with his stroller. This is the best time for visitors since I'm already up and about and he's awake.
4:30 - 5:00 PM - Nap time

6:30 PM - Wake up & eat
Wake time - Daddy is home to entertain baby. He usually spends some of this time on the floor or in his bouncer while we eat and watch some TV unless we eat after 8:00. Put on his sleeping gown just before his nap so that we won't have to wake him up any more than we have to after his last feeding.
8:00 PM - Nap time

10:00 PM - Wake up (kind of) & eat
Immediately goes back to bed and sleeps all night until 8 the next morning!

Obviously this is just a day that I don't go out, which is becoming quite rare. I plan outings around his feeding times and I try to spend some of his wake time at home before going out. I hate to feed him and then put him in his car seat to spend his entire wake time. If it's the beginning of a nap time it's nice because the car will put him to sleep and *hopefully* he'll stay that way when we arrive at our destination (usually if it's in the middle or the beginning of his nap time he will), if it's towards the end he'll wake up and if he falls asleep in the car seat when it isn't his nap time, he'll wake up at our destination and then be really fussy and not go back to sleep.

The next step according to Babywise is to eliminate the "dream feed," our 10:00 PM feeding. However, if we take that out, he'll be down to eating only 4 times a day....which is the step Babywise recommends taking after 4 months old. I guess we are ahead by only eating 5 times a day at this point. So anyway, I'm not sure what to do. It's recommended that they start sleeping 12 hours from 3-4 months and Evan is 3 months and one week old now and is going 10 hours at night. Anyone else run into this same situation? Most of the blogs I've read say that their baby started going to 4 feedings around 7 months...so it seems like 3 months is pretty early compared to what most people do.

This is what I think we will do. Start eliminating the dream feed by feeding him slightly early each night. Like, I will start to do the dream feed at 9:45 PM instead of 10:00 for a couple of nights. Then 9:30, then 9:15, then 9:00, etc, until we reach 8:00 PM. So at some point he will be eating at 6:30 PM and then again at 8:00 (does this mean that he doesn't have any naps in between feedings??). I may keep a 9:00 PM last feeding for a couple of months until he's a little closer to the recommended age for going to 4 feedings. After he's used to going 12 hours we can start the 4 hours between feedings, which would mean only 4 feedings a day.

The problem with the 4 hour schedule is that then Matt will never be able to see Evan awake during the week. He'd have a 4:00 feeding, nap time at around 5:30 or 6:00 and then go to bed right after his 8:00 feeding. Matt usually comes home around 5:45 - 6:00. So he might be able to see Evan just before nap time, but still, it wouldn't be for long. Kind of sad to think about....it's one reason why I haven't even started to eliminate the dream feed yet.

So I have things to figure out and if you know any of the answers to my questions please answer them! And if you have any questions for me I'd be happy to try my best to answer them as well.

Me

First of all I just want to say that don't want any of you to feel bad about the post I wrote a couple of days ago about parents being negative about parenthood. Also, I don't want any of you to think that what I wrote was due to anything you wrote about in your blogs. I know everyone has bad days and some people have bad weeks (I know I have) and even bad months. You should definitely write about those in your blogs, even if it's to complain. I wasn't upset about parents who have a hard time and aren't always happy about being a mom or dad. I was talking about people who take their own unhappiness/frustration/exhaustion and purposely try to make other (happy) people feel bad. That's different than complaining or even giving needed advice.

Me:
I have mastitis again. I'm feeling much better now that I've been on antibiotics over a week, but a week and a half ago I was suddenly struck with flu symptoms. They came out of the blue, one minute I was fine and the next I felt awful. I had been a little tired all day, but that's not unusual. My mom and I were going to a park since it was such a nice day (and Matt, my dad, and my brother were all in the mountains hiking) and we stopped at her house so I could feed Evan before we went on. While I was feeding him I suddenly felt SO tired. I thought resting awhile would help. I only became more and more tired and soon the weakness hit. I could hardly hold Evan to finish nursing him. He kept crying every time I would take him away, so I thought maybe he wasn't getting enough milk. I don't know if that was the case, but I could hardly stand to start nursing him again because of how horrible I felt. I actually nursed him laying down for awhile. I think he was just fussy or maybe he could sense how I felt because he wasn't swallowing anything most of the time he was "nursing." By the time he finally finished I had a fever and chills. Thankfully my mom was able to take care of Evan all afternoon until Matt came over. I was so afraid I had H1N.1. However, in the evening I noticed my breast was hurting and sure enough, it had red streaks. It was different from last time though, not nearly as painful. Anyway, we finally got the antibiotic prescription worked out with the doctor on call over the weekend. It took several hours, but the antibiotic is working!

I feel tired a lot. I'm not sure if it's normal, but I honestly think that I'm just mentally and emotionally overloaded. I'm getting a normal amount of sleep most days, so I don't think it's just physical. I'm an introvert and the hardest thing about being a mom so far has been being with someone all day long. I know he's just a baby, but it really isn't any different than being with an adult for me. I always get worn out when I hang out with people for more than a couple of hours. The only person who doesn't wear me out is Matt and that's one reason I knew he was "the one" for me. :-) Anyway, I think a lot of my fatigue is simply due to being around another person 24/7. Also, I think about Evan all.the.time. Constantly. Everything goes back to Evan. I think that drains a person!

I love being with Evan and the few times I've gone out without him (and once Matt took him to the grocery store and I stayed home alone) I've been miserable. I'd much rather be with him than without him. But I can't change my nature and so I end up feeling tired. I do welcome Matt's return from work at the end of the day so that he can spend some time with Evan and I don't have to do everything myself.

The good thing about constantly being around another person is that I don't feel any more tired by being around even more people. I've been more social the past 3 months than I have been in my entire life. I'm always getting together with friends or having people over. It's nice to get back in touch with people, I only wish some of them had kids Evan's age!

I've been trying to meet other moms with infants. I visited a MOP.S group a couple of weeks ago. All of the women there were older and had several kids. I did see one or two other young looking moms with kids around Evan's age, but the way this group works is you are assigned to a table. No one at my table is close to my age and all of their kids are already toddlers. Those are the ladies I will be with all the time and there is no other opportunity to meet the other ladies in the group. Matt and I joined a small group at our church, hoping to meet other couples with kids. Once again, all the couples are older and have multiple kids. However, 2 of the couples have babies around Evan's age. I tried talking to the lady whose son is a month younger than Evan, but she kind of blew me off. I can't help but feel that they think we're kids and don't belong in the group. They were nice, but that's just the feeling I get. I'm going to try a different MOP.S group this week to see if I have better luck, then I just might get desperate and start hunting down the young moms I see at the store, chiropractor's office, etc!

2 Months Old

My baby boy is 2 months old!

Highlights.... man, it's hard to keep track of developments and what I've already written about. Last week Evan went to see his first movie in the theater. My friend and I took him and he was really good! I fed him during the movie and surprisingly that went smoothly as well.

Places I've breastfed in public so far:
1. Grocery store parking lot (in the car).
2. Hotel lobby bathroom while a lady took a dump in the stall nearby for 5+ minutes...awkward!
3. Fast food restaurant parking lot (in the car).
4. Airport parking garage (in the car) all alone with people walking by every time a flight came in.
5. Movie theatre

Haha, there have been some interesting experiences already!!!

My in-laws came over earlier this week and brought us an infant scale! We weighed Evan and it showed him being 11 pounds 4 ounces. We aren't 100% sure it's completely accurate since it's used, but I have a feeling it is completely accurate or very close. Evan is so big and HEAVY! It's hard to hold him for long.

Speaking of which, I had very little back troubles while I was pregnant in spite of my scoliosis, but now it is killing me. My chiropractor says my scoliosis (the curve in my spine) is worse since I delivered Evan. That's caused all of the ribs on my right side to go out of place. OUCH. It hasn't improved much, so I'm going to start going to the chiropractor every week now.

I also have yet to start exercising. I think if I can get into a stretch and exercise routine that will help my back too. But when I have the time to exercise I'm too tired to do it. I need to start forcing myself to though. I feel like exercising helped A LOT during pregnancy, during delivery, and helped me get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and size. I want to tone up and get back into the shape I was in before I was pregnant, especially since our plan so far is to TTC #2 fairly soon.

We took Evan to the pumpkin patch the other day! It was beautiful weather here this week (mid to high 70s) and it was perfect for visiting the pumpkin patch. Evan would have preferred it to be cloudy because he hates the sun in his eyes, but I was happy to get out in the sunlight. He was so good and only started to fuss a couple of times and I couldn't really blame him, the pumpkins were cold and the ground was slightly damp and we kept leaning him against pumpkins and sitting him on the ground.

I'm starting to pump breast milk in the mornings to save up milk to start giving Evan bottles so I can avoid breastfeeding in public quite as much. I'm hoping that we can get enough for him to have a full feeding with 2 mornings worth of pumping. I was originally going to pump after every feeding and have enough for a lot of bottles, but for now I'm only going to do once a day and have a couple of bottles a week. Eventually I'll probably pump more because I want to save up breast milk since I'm contemplating weaning him around 6 months old if we do decide to TTC starting then. It would be nice if he could keep drinking breast milk from a bottle for as long as possible after that. We'll see if we can buy a small freezer for more storage room.

Oh yeah, the day after my last post about Evan he started cooing while I was in front of him! He "talks" quite a bit now and is smiling more often as well. :-)

5 Weeks Old

I'm too lazy to upload pictures now, but they are coming!

This has been another event filled week. Evan has been having problems with gas/acid reflux. I've stopped drinking as much milk the past couple of days and that actually seems to be helping. For awhile earlier in the week I was drinking more milk than usual, so I think that's what caused it. Anyway, the acid reflux has resulted in a lot of spitting up and fussiness. :-( My mom assured me that that's normal behavior for a baby, but it's new for Evan and so of course it's upsetting to me. Evan has his one month appointment at the pediatrician tomorrow so I'm going to ask about it then. My theory is that the milk made his stomach more upset, but what causes the spitting up is him straining so much because of the gas. He tenses his whole body up, arches his back, and his face gets all red. Shortly after that he'll spit up big time.

He is definitely smiling for real now! Not as much as I'd like, but several times a day. It's so precious, I can't describe how I feel when he smiles at me. :-) He's also definitely imitating faces now. Mostly he imitates sticking out his tongue, but the other day he was imitating my big grins. He played that game with me, my mom, and my sister. It was driving Matt crazy that Evan wouldn't play it with him after he came home from his trip. But on Saturday morning they finally played the game together. I wish I could have captured that on video!!

Evan is holding his head up longer and longer. It's amazing how much he's developed in that area in just a week. I don't know when babies start to creep around and crawl, but Evan wants to be moving NOW. He works his arms and legs and does end up moving around, but obviously he doesn't have much control over it now. I have to watch him to make sure he doesn't launch himself off my lap these days.

He went to his first wedding last night. Matt and my dad stayed home and my mom and I talked to him. All of my friends from high school were there and able to meet Evan. I saw one of my old best friends from high school that I haven't seen since graduation! It was nice seeing her and I found out she now lives nearby, so I can see her again hopefully.

We've been going out almost every day. Usually on short trips, but it's nice to get out of the house some. I get discouraged by the fact that breastfeeding isn't smooth enough to do in public yet, but I have to keep in mind that even 2 weeks ago it would have been impossible. We've improved so much since he was born. It went from me dreading feeding times and absolutely hating it to being able to lean back on the couch and read a book or watch TV while nursing. I can only hope that it will continue to improve! The nursing cover helps a lot, I even nursed at my parents' church last week (in the nursing room).

Not much else is going on in my life, just baby Evan stuff. I'm working on editing the pictures my dad took last week so hopefully I'll have them ready in a day or 2!

Wrap it up

Today I drove Evan over to the school that my mom teaches at so that one of her friends could show me how to use the baby carrier wrap that I made. I tried putting Evan in it the other day and it didn't work out very well. It was actually quite traumatic! Evan slept it off and I went and ate a big bowl of ice cream to get over it. lol Anyway, my mom's friend showed me how to use it and it's really fun! I'll have to see if Matt can get a picture of us using it. I love being able to "hold" Evan without actually using my arms. As a matter of fact, Evan is in it now. I don't believe in constantly carrying babies, but I do like to keep Evan close at certain times of the day and this is a great way to spend time with him without being confined to one arm all the time.

Of course while we were at the school we had to show Evan off to all of Mom's co-workers. She was so happy to do that. :-) One of my good friends from high school works there too and she just found out she's pregnant last week. So it's exciting to have a friend who lives HERE who will have a baby around the same age as Evan. She is my first friend who lives nearby to get pregnant. I have a lot of pregnant friends, just none who live within 8 hours. Oh yeah, and she sees the same group of midwives I go to - very cool!

I've been feeling pretty good lately, but today I'm tired after our outing. A week after Evan's birth I got cold for the first time since getting pregnant! lol Our AC went from being set at 73 degrees during the day to 75. Weird how the pregnancy hormones leave so fast. I also lost a lot of weight. I hadn't even noticed how big I got all around until after I lost the weight. Suddenly my arms and legs are skinnier, and I had never even noticed that they got bigger while I was pregnant! I tried on a pair of my pre-pregnancy pants a week after the birth and they didn't fit. I haven't tried them on again. I think they probably fit at this point since I'm the same size as I was before I got pregnant, but I'm pretending that they don't. I enjoy having an excuse to wear exercise pants all the time!

The other day I went shopping and bought a couple of new t-shirts. My old shirts are definitely too small now! My chest is one part of my body that has become bigger....much bigger. More stretch marks have appeared there and I'm finding it hard to maintain a good posture. The girls are so heavy that it's seriously hard to hold them up! I think I need a better support system. ;-)

Speaking of that, breastfeeding is easier. The pain from the mastitis has almost completely faded. My mom showed me how to breastfeed without a pillow (it's so easy! why did I think it would be hard?). So now I'm practicing for nursing in public. I want to be able to do it smoothly by the time we have our anniversary trip to Charleston on October 9. It would be much easier if Evan would cooperate better, but I guess he's still getting used to it too. He doesn't like to stay latched on and I have to keep maneuvering him back into place, which is hard to do while covered up with a blanket. I really need to try the nursing cover out, so far I've been practicing with receiving blankets covering us. Any tips or words of wisdom on this subject?

Enough about me, I promise that the next post will be all about my beautiful baby and will include pictures!

Due Date

Today is Evan's due date! It's crazy to think that he came so early. It seems like he's been here forever but at the same time it seems like it was just yesterday that we were in the hospital, exhausted and totally in love with our son after a long day of labor and delivery.

I love being a mom. I knew I would, but it's even better than I thought it would be. It helps that Evan is such a calm baby, but I know I'd still love it if he wasn't. The hardest thing about motherhood for me so far has been breastfeeding and that is getting much easier. I started using a nipple shield and I love it. For the first time since Evan started eating I'm not in excruciating pain during nursing. I don't think I'll use it permanently, but I will until my nipple heals and my breast isn't getting engorged as often. My midwife called today to see how I was doing and I told her that most of the redness and pain have gone away. She said the antibiotics are working and not to worry about the little redness and pain that are still there now. They will probably fade by next week when I stop taking the antibiotics.

I was just thinking how ironic it is that I didn't take a single drop of medicine during my entire pregnancy and birth and now here I am taking antibiotics, using an antibiotic ointment for my nipples, taking Motrin for the breast pain and swelling, and using prescription hemorrhoid ointment. Figures. ;-)

Yesterday was Matt's first full day back at work. Of course it was the roughest day so far! We had a couple of projectile vomiting incidents as well as poop and pee incidents. lol Today was much better! I'm finally starting to get into a regular schedule (hopefully). We will start our day at 7:00 and official bedtime will be around 10:30 - 11:00. After that I won't wake Evan for feedings every 3 hours, I'll let him wake himself when he's hungry. During the day he'll eat every 3 hours unless he's hungry before then (which he usually isn't).

He's staying awake longer and seems more aware of things going on around him. I'm curious to know when most people start tummy time? Right now if I try to put him on his stomach he folds his legs and arms up under him. Just wondering if it's too early or if I should keep putting him on his tummy until he gets used to it.

Matt and I are working on our birth announcements. We weren't going to do them, but then I decided to design my own and then print them at Wal.greens. We'll still have to pay postage, but I'm not sending them to everybody, just my extended family and friends. I'll be sure to upload a copy on here as well. :-)

2 Weeks Old

My midwife, Tina, holding Evan at our office visit the other day:






Uncle R and Matt playing with Evan:









So much has been going on this weekend...and it isn't even over!

First an update about me, yesterday was 48 hours since I started the antibiotics for my mastitis. It seemed a lot better to me until evening time. Then my breast started hurting again. The redness mostly went away except for a little spot. I think I'm just going to wait until tomorrow to call the doctor though. That way if I need to I can go into the office instead of going to the ER.

Evan has been doing great. It's just amazing how little he cries. Even when he should cry, he doesn't. Like the other day I pinched some of his skin in his diaper when I put it on. About 30 minutes later I noticed it because the top of his leg was all red. Poor child, he didn't fuss or anything. Maybe he couldn't feel it, but it didn't look very comfortable. Obviously I've been more careful about strapping his diaper on lately. I don't think there's anything wrong with him that makes him not cry, he's very aware and he does cry sometimes when he wants to eat and he isn't getting food fast enough. :-)

This child can pee...outside his diaper. The other day I looked down and saw a stream of pee coming out from the top of his diaper...onto our bed. Whoa! The really crazy thing...his diaper was completely dry afterward. I swear he sucked in his gut to make a space between his skin and the diaper and then aimed so that he could pee out of it! After he was done the diaper looked snug around his waist again.

Then 2 days ago I was changing him in his pack n play changing table and he peed while I had his diaper off. The stream of pee arched about 3 feet and landed...on our bed (of course!). Once again, he was completely dry and so was his changing table. It only got on the bed. Needless to say, Matt has been washing sheets a lot lately!

Last night Evan's cord fell off. I nursed him and then we took off his onesie to change him. I noticed it had fallen off. Matt and I couldn't find it anywhere. We looked all in his clothes, all over the bed. It turns out I was sitting on it...eww!!! I have no clue how that happened. I'm glad it's off now and I'm looking forward to giving Evan his first bath...I think. I wonder if that'll make him cry!

Matt's best friend's girlfriend flew up from Louisiana just to see Evan. R was going to fly down there to see her, but after Evan was born and C saw pictures of him she changed the plans so she could meet him! They came over on Friday night and brought presents and had dinner with us. It was a lot of fun and I'm really glad C got to meet him so soon. She won't be back until New Year's. Evan is so loved and he doesn't even know how much. :-)

Infection

I have pretty bad mastitis. Yesterday I visited the midwife and as soon as she looked at my breast she said, "That's definitely major mastitis." Ugg!! I'm allergic to the antibiotics that are normally prescribed to treat it, so the midwife had to prescribe a less effective antibiotic. She's afraid it may not work. If I don't see improvement in 24-48 hours I will have to go to the emergency room right away since it's the weekend and their office isn't open, so I wouldn't be able to go there first to be checked.

So far I haven't seen any improvement, but it's only been 21 hours since I started the antibiotics. Please, please pray that this will get better - quick! I really don't want to spend tomorrow in the emergency room, especially with a newborn. Plus, this is painful! My breast feels like it's on fire.

That being said, Evan is nursing much quicker, now our nursing sessions take about 20-25 minutes. He went through a growth spurt and for half of a day was nursing about 25 minutes total instead of 10-15. He had another appointment with the pediatrician yesterday and he's gained even more! He's now 7 pounds and half an ounce, almost back to birth weight. The doctor is pleased and we don't have another appointment for him until he's a month old.

All last night he woke up every 3 hours, when he was sleeping 4-5 hours at a time. I don't know what's up with that, but I think it might be a blessing in disguise because I'm supposed to keep "emptying" my infected breast. Not that he eats out of either for very long, only 6 minutes at the longest, so that's why I'm thinking it's good that he's eating every 3 hours even during the night.

He also had a clogged tear duct the other day, which was stressful to me (especially at first before I knew what it was!), but it's a harmless condition. I just had to keep wiping his eye throughout the day. It's still a little messed up, but not nearly so bad. Of course I called the nurse to ask her about it, but she said it's common in newborns and that there's nothing to do except wipe his eye with a warm washcloth.

I hope all of you are doing well, I feel bad that I'm not commenting on your blogs as much. I'm trying to read as many as I can during my free time, but I don't always have time to say anything. I'll keep y'all updated

1 Week Old

I can't believe it's been a week already! The time has flown by. At the end of the day I wonder how it went by so fast...and then wonder WHY it went by so fast. It doesn't seem like I do much. Of course, I live 3 hours at a time. That's how often I nurse Evan and each feeding takes at least 45 minutes. Most of that 45 minutes is spent trying to wake him up to eat more. The past few days most of his actual eating times have been 13 minutes. And yet it still takes 45 minutes to complete that process.

Breastfeeding has been incredibly rough. I don't mind waking up during the night, I don't mind spending all of my time with him, I don't mind my life being consumed by motherhood and nothing else. But breastfeeding has made motherhood hard for me. He wasn't latching properly for a couple of days. I was bleeding and sore and dreaded nursing times. I was SO close to giving up. He was also nursing every 2 hours at that point, probably because he wasn't getting enough due to the latch. On Wednesday I ended up driving myself to the midwife's office to get checked because the lactation consultant I talked to on the phone said I should because I might have an infection (which I didn't, he just wasn't latching properly). I got a last minute appt and we didn't have enough time to get Evan ready, I walked straight out the door. After getting in the car and driving a little ways down the road I realized that I really shouldn't be driving. I drove so carefully all the way though. Later I actually read my discharge instructions that said not to drive until approved by the midwife. lol

Things have been CRAZY. This is only the second day that I've been home the whole time. It's also only the second day that I've taken a nap. Just last night I realized that I am drained and healing is actually going to take longer if I keep going like I have been. So today I was determined to relax. We still had visitors (my family), but I've made a point of laying back on the couch and not doing any bending, squatting, sitting cross legged, etc. Needless to say, last night I was very sore down there, I think I was doing too much moving around.

Evan has had 2 doctors appointments so far. One on Thursday. He had gained .4 oz, not enough for them to be sure he's really gaining. So we had to go back yesterday to make sure. He gained an ounce! When we were discharged from the hospital he weighed 6 lbs, 10 oz. Now he's 6 lbs, 11 oz. That's good news and his pediatrician (who I really like!) said that he's obviously doing fine with his feeding, even though he doesn't spend long actually eating. He said to go ahead and just let him eat for 5 minutes on one breast and then as long as he will go on the other. He's still having A LOT of bowel movements and he's peeing A LOT too! lol So I guess it's all good, although it worries me that sometimes he only eats less than 10 minutes total.

Nights are actually going really well. We don't wake him up every 3 hours between 9 pm and 8 am, we wait until he cries to feed him. So sometimes he'll go about 4 to 4 and a half hours between feedings. This child almost never cries. The most he cries is sometimes when we're changing him (cold wipes!). He doesn't even cry when he's ready to eat, he just makes fussy noises. It's actually kind of hard to read him. The doctor said to wait until he screams at night to feed him, but I don't think he ever will scream. I just wait until he actually cries. And usually he'll only cry for a couple of seconds and then stop and whimper or make fussy noises. I go ahead and feed him though because I just don't think he is a screamer or much of a crier. I'm SO BLESSED, I know! My mom is miffed, she said that after all the trouble I gave her when I was a baby, I should have a difficult child too. ;-)

Nursing is still hard, but I think I can make it. I'm starting to accept the fact that he just doesn't eat for long, so I think that will make things easier. I can stop spending 30 minutes plus trying to wake him up. I have to pump about every other feeding time to keep my breasts from becoming too full. Sometimes he won't eat unless I do that first. That's a bummer because it just takes up more time, but I'm hoping I won't always have to do that. We still have a lot to learn about feeding and things are only getting better, so maybe someday we'll both get the hang of it.

I feel very weak a lot of the time. I'm not all that tired, because I've been getting quite a bit of sleep at night (more than most mothers of newborns!), but I'm just weak. I'm going to try to relax more the next few days, but the nurse I talked to the other day said that if I don't feel stronger in a few days that I should make an appointment, I might be anemic. Matt has been a HUGE help, he changes most of the diapers, helps wake Evan up during feedings, swaddles him (I'm going to have to learn to do that better before Matt goes back to work!), cleans, does the laundry, cooks, etc, etc, etc. Plus he's just encouraging, especially about the breastfeeding. He's very involved in every aspect. He'd be the perfect stay-at-home dad. I only wish we could both stay at home all day with Evan! Matt is going back to work on Wednesday, he'll be out of vacation days by then. :-(

Okay, I promise I'm going to end this huge post! It's feeding time. :-)