Still here

Wow, remember me everyone? Basically my life the past year can be summed up with 2 words - depression and anxiety. Back in November I finally started seeking more help (I was already on Zo.loft that I started taking while I was pregnant with Levi). Now I'm visiting a counselor but have yet to start seeing a psychiatrist due to a change in our insurance. I have an appointment with one scheduled for April 3. I switched meds to Cele.xa back in December (the switch was ROUGH, I experienced really bad withdrawals from the Zo.loft, one of the worst experiences I've ever had). I think the Cele.xa has helped the anxiety a lot, but the dosage I was on did nothing for the depression. Just a week and a half ago I visited my GP and she prescribed me a higher dosage. This past week has been a GOOD WEEK! The first I've had since before getting pregnant with Levi. I really hope it's the higher dosage Cele.xa working.

I just want to get better. I'm tired of having no energy. Of feeling unhappy. Of having anxiety attacks all the time. Of isolating myself from friends. Of not wanting to answer my phone. Of having mood swings and yelling at Evan for stupid reasons. Of feeling alone even though I'm physically almost never alone.

I want to start up my hobbies again. I want to start cooking meals again. I want to start working out again. I want to provide my kids with a healthy routine instead of half-heartedly playing with them one day and then the next putting them in front of the TV. I want to blog again!!!

So enough about that.... I don't think I've ever mentioned on here how absolutely freaking cute my youngest son is!!!! He's such a huge huge huge huge huge blessing. I don't understand how Matt and I were able to create such good, sweet, handsome little boys.

Introducing...

announcement by: http://www.etsy.com/shop/lukecommasara

What's up with me!?

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted, especially with everything that's been happening.

I'll kind of sum it up for y'all...

A couple of weeks ago, the week of Oct 18, I started having increased spotting (I'd already been having some, but not enough to be worried enough to make an appointment) and cramping. That had me worried, especially after my miscarriage. ** Let me pause here to say that everything is okay!! ** Of course all of this started on our way to Athens, Georgia, where Matt was going on a business trip. Evan and I were going along for fun, who would have thought it would turn out so badly!? I called the nurse the next day and she said to come in for an ultrasound......except I was 4 hours away from home and couldn't leave since Matt was working!! She said it would be okay to wait until that Friday for an ultrasound unless it got worse. She also said to go on pelvic rest (which I had already put myself on pelvic rest since I found out I was pregnant! lol). I was still having cramping that night. I called my mom and told her, she arranged for my sister to come pick me up the next day. But thankfully Matt was able to take off work so we left the next evening and I changed my u/s to Thursday in the early afternoon. That way my sister didn't have to drive 8 hours in one day to take me home.

I was SO SO SO nervous, I can't even describe. But we immediately saw the baby on the ultrasound and the u/s also picked up the sound of a healthy fast heartbeat!! I was even measuring a few days ahead. The baby was sleeping, the u/s tech tried to wake him up, but s/he wouldn't have it. Just like big brother Evan!

Anyway, it was determined that the spotting was from the cervix and normal and that the cramping is from my uterus expanding. The midwife said not to be concerned about the cramping and only call if the spotting turned to heavy bleeding. I had cramping that night, but ever since then I haven't had any cramping OR spotting. Thank the Lord!

We've been so busy this past month with traveling and visiting with family and friends. One weekend we went to my grandparents' house, then a birthday party one weekend, then we went to Athens, then to Savannah, and then there was Halloween. Evan dressed up as a dinosaur (of course!) and was ADORABLE!! He started completely walking on Oct 27 and I'm so glad he was walking for Halloween. I LOVE that he's walking. It's so much easier and now we can go outside all the time since he isn't dragging his knees and feet around in the dirt and on the concrete.

I gotta end this post for now, but I'll leave you with some pictures...

11 Months Old

The pictures are from a photo shoot my dad took when Evan was 10.5 months old.

Evan is over 11 months old now! Just another 3 weeks and he'll be 1 year old!! :-( :-) I don't know if I'm happy or sad about that...

Evan celebrated 11 months by running his first fever, then getting a cold (his second, he had another one back in Feb/Mar sometime) and teething at the same time, and then cutting his 5th tooth. He's been a busy little man!!!

He can now crawl FULL SPEED AHEAD! It's amazing how fast he can go. I remember a month ago we were at a playdate and I saw one of his friends crawling that fast. I thought that Evan would never crawl so fast. After all, he'd been crawling for months and still wasn't anywhere near that quick. But now all of a sudden the past few days he's figured out he can GO. Matt had a situation where he went after Evan to keep him from getting into something. Evan turned around and saw Matt coming after him and started crawling even faster trying to get away.

He definitely has a devious side. He knows how to "casually" start playing with something he isn't supposed to be near. Like he isn't allowed to touch the entertainment center. But he'll slowly crawl over there. When he sees that I'm watching him he'll stop and lean over and fiddle with the edge of the rug (which is about 6 inches from the entertainment center). He'll play with the rug for a bit until he either forgets I'm there or thinks I'm gone, then he'll reach out and touch the entertainment center. He's also not allowed to touch the hearth. So he plays with the table we have in front of the hearth and the stuff on it. So he's as close as he can get without me telling him to get away. I was watching him play with the stuff on the table yesterday and he grabbed an item and then proceeded to touch the hearth with the item. At first I thought it was an accident so I didn't say anything, but then he deliberately started touching the hearth and the kitties' food bowl with it. He found a loop hole!! Of course I made him stop because now that's yet another rule...not allowed to touch forbidden things even with another object. ;-)

I'm making Evan sound bad in this post...but he really isn't! As a matter of fact, I'm so thankful that I have such an obedient son. He is so GOOD. I see his friends and all the trouble they get into. I think Evan is more obedient than the average baby his age. I could always tell that...he's always been quiet...he's never been fussy or demanding. It took him a long time of crawling before he started exploring and getting into things. Some children are like that and I'm grateful to have one of those.

My mom said that I was a great child as well...very obedient and good. My brother was the opposite and while my sister was sweet natured and rarely complained, she was an explorer and was constantly getting into things and trying to get away from my mom. So I wonder how my next child will be... It's so neat how you can tell a child's personality when they are just a couple of months old. Evan has stayed consistent as far as that goes... he's never given me reason to change my opinion that he's a good, obedient, quiet, laid back, slightly introverted baby. :-)

San Diego

A week ago I was on a plane with Evan heading to San Diego! Matt was there on a business trip all last week and on Thursday Matt and I flew out there to meet him. The flight went very well!! It was delayed 2 hours, so it was a long time to hang around the airport and I didn't try to put Evan down for a nap so he was very tired by the time we took off. I gave him a bottle at take off and he went to sleep for about 20-25 minutes. Then he woke up and stayed awake the rest of the 4 hour flight. It was fine though because we flew first class (it was less reward miles to fly first class than it was to fly coach!! 25,000 to fly first class and 30,000 to fly coach). Ummm...I think I'll fly first class!! lol It was my first time to be in first class and it was great! They served a meal which was a lifesaver because it kept Evan and I busy for about an hour. Then he ate lots of snacks and looked out the window a long time. I let him play on the floor by my feet for a little bit. I walked him around the first class aisle for a little while, but he wasn't sleepy. However, he did lay in my lap and play with some toys for awhile. All in all, it was great. Security at the airport was great too. There's a family line at the Charlotte airport and so I went through that and someone helped me put the stroller on the x-ray belt. I only carried one backpack with me - i packed VERY light which was also a lifesaver. It's not like Evan plays with toys a whole lot anyway.

The best "toys" for flying were: water bottles (I had 2), package of pretzels, Mum Mum wrapper, package of animal crackers, and the plastic wrapper off the the snack box (that we purchased in coach on the way home). Evan loves playing with trash and it's great because I don't have to carry it around with me, it's stuff I bought in the airport or received on the plane and I just left them there when we got off.

San Diego was GREAT!! It was beautiful weather there. We went from Charlotte temperatures of the high 90s to San Diego temps of 70-80 degrees! The warmest day there was 79* and that was hot to everyone who lived there!! We spent Thursday walking around the Convention Center and Seaport Village. Then Friday we went to the zoo. My favorite things there were the hippos, elephants, polar bears, and koalas. I had been there before, but I was like 12 at the time so I don't really remember it. Evan's favorite thing was the turtles in an aquarium, a monkey we saw just after we arrived, or the fish that were in the hippo tank. lol They weren't even an attraction! We came home that afternoon and swam in the hotel pool.

Saturday we went to Old Town and spent the afternoon walking around the historic attractions and the pretty park in the center. I had a great time seeing the pretty trees, cacti, and other plants. We ate Mexican for lunch and had ice cream later in the afternoon.

We went back to the hotel and swam. Then we napped the rest of the afternoon and went out to the Gaslamp quarter for dinner. On the way back to the hotel (we took the trolley) Evan fell asleep. I lifted him out of the stroller to get on the trolley and he stayed asleep the whole way home!! He doesn't fall asleep like that much anymore. I loved holding him while he slept. :-)

On Sunday we spent the afternoon lazing around and napping. Matt's friend who lives nearby came and picked us up (he even borrowed a car seat) and took us to Coronado. It's a beautiful island with a cute little town, beautiful houses, and a great beach. I've decided that someday I want to live there! Although I would be paying the same price as a 4 bedroom home with an acre of land in NC for a 1-2 bedroom house with almost no yard in Coronado!! lol We had lunch HERE and then walked across the island (through the awesome neighborhoods) to the beach. We walked up and down the beach for awhile and then Matt's friend drove us just outside the city to see the condo he bought (he didn't even have the keys yet!). It was amazing driving through the hills outside the city at sunset. SOOOO beautiful. I think a part of me was made to live in southern Cali. I just love love love the desert hills.

Monday we flew back to Charlotte. This time Matt flew with us and we were in coach. Evan slept about an hour and a half (he slept GREAT the whole time we were there, he was worn out from the time change and all of the things we did!) on my lap. He just sprawled out on his tummy and went to sleep. He's so heavy both of my legs fell asleep from his weight! He was a little fussier on the flight home, but after he woke up he was better.

So now we are back in Charlotte where the temperature highs are 99* and the humidity is up to 85%. :-P

Swap

I participated in a blogger swap and received a package from Becky in Tasmania!! She and I have been friends for years now and it was awesome to switch packages! As a matter of fact, we've decided to do it more often. :-)

She sent an outfit for Evan, a stuffed Tasmanian devil toy, a board book about Tasmanian devils (LOVE!), 2 bars of her favorite candy (yum!), a picture frame (the glass broke, but I think it will be fine without it and I love the butterflies!), 2 book marks, a bracelet, a key chain, a book called "Mother Wisdom" (I haven't read it all yet, but the parts I have read are so precious), and a beautiful butterfly pin.

I feel like I'm forgetting something and I very well may be! lol I was so excited when the package came. Matt and I opened it up and started going through all of the stuff (and Matt immediately ate one of the candy bars), so it wasn't until a couple of days later that I remembered to take pictures. Now Matt wants a Tasmanian devil for a pet and I keep "chasing" Evan around with the Tasmanian devil toy. haha! Evan is going to know more about those animals than any other American boy!!!

I'm very excited and can't wait for Evan to be able to fit in his outfit (it's just a little too big right now, which is good because if it was 12m size he'd be growing out of it in a couple of weeks.

I was touched at how thoughtful Becky was. She remembered that I love butterflies and reading and it was really sweet of her to send stuff that Evan could enjoy too! Thanks, Becky!

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!!

Evan loved the fireworks last night! We sat farther away than we normally do, which worked out great. The weather was beautiful yesterday (much cooler than it's been the past couple of months with a high of 83*). We went to the parade in the morning, had a cookout with my family for lunch AND supper, and then went to see the fireworks. Matt ended up staying home and went with us. When the fireworks started Evan was grinning as he stared at them! He sat so still and quiet the entire time, completely fascinated. It was such a great experience, I'm glad I'll have these memories for the rest of my life.

9 Months Old

It's AMAZING how much he's changed since turning 9 months! It seemed like a lot of stuff happened during month 7, but month 9 is also turning into a big month.

Let's see if I can even begin to recount what's been going on with Evan......

*He kissed me for the first time while we were in New

Orleans. He had slept part of the night on the bed with Matt and me. When he woke up in the morning he crawled over to me, crawled up on me, and gave me a sloppy kiss. SO SWEET!

*he started saying "Mama" -- meaning ME!! He turned from him saying it when he only wanted me (which was when he was tired or hungry) to now saying it every time he wants something. Whether that's food, a toy, or something he isn't supposed to have.

*He started saying "hey." I think he started saying this around the same time as "Mama," while we were in New Orleans. It might have even been before. I didn't realize that's what he was saying at first.

*He started crawling on his hands and knees - fast. He had mostly been doing the army crawl, only crawling on his hands and knees a little and not far before he'd fall. But after returning home from NO he was crawling like a pro!

*He started "playing" with Serenity (our cat). She actually loves the attention. She'll plop down right in front of him and he'll grab a fistful of hair and pull. She'll get up, turn around, and plop right back down in front of him. If she's walking near him he'll start chasing her. The other day I walked in the room and he was completely on top of her. Yep, she's scratched him twice (on the hand). You'd think they'd both learn a lesson, but so far neither has.

*He started pulling up onto his knees.

*He started going from his belly (or crawling) to a sitting position. Before he could go from sitting to crawling, but not crawling to sitting/pulling up.

*He started pulling up to a standing position.

And my absolute favorite.......

*He started waving and saying "bye bye"!!!!!!!! My mom and sister heard him the first time. We were visiting my grandparents and they went into the house to bring him out to the car so we could go to the beach. They told him to say goodbye to my grandparents and as they were walking out the door he waved and said "bye bye." They told me when they came out to the car and I figured they had misunderstood or were exaggerating. But when we were at the beach I was sitting with Evan on a picnic table. I was feeding him, but he was distracted by the birds and people around us. He started watching a family walk out to their car. There was a little girl in a bright yellow dress trailing behind the rest of the family members. Evan lifted his hand and started flapping his fingers. I thought he was acting different...concentrating very hard. He held still except for his fingers and suddenly he said, clear as day, "bye bye." There was no mistaking it! It still amazes me just remembering it! He was watching the little girl as he did it.

NOLA

I loved New Orleans! We had such a good time on our trip and Evan was great (in spite of the fact that his second tooth broke through the morning we left).

We left on Friday the 14th and arrived late that night at our friend's dad's house. We spent the night there and attended her graduation the next morning. Yep, Evan sat through the whole graduation and was such a sweetie. The only time he made any noise was he cried twice because the ladies behind us kept shrieking and yelling and it scared him. Which, by the way, I find

very disrespectful. It didn't bother me quite as much at this graduation because overall people

were more mature and considerate (we just happened to sit in front of some of the ones who weren't), but at my brother's graduation it was much worse and it makes me angry that some people don't get to hear their loved one's name announced because the people around them are

acting like drunk rednecks at a sporting event.

After her graduation we spent the day at her reception and then Matt, Evan, and I went to stay in a hotel that night. The next day (Sunday) we went to our first crawfish boil. It was SO fun!! I didn't know what to expect since I've only ever eaten crawfish in a pasta dish once before. You boil crawfish alive like you do lobsters and so they had buckets of live crawfish when we got there. They put them in a huge pot over a cooker along with potatoes, mushrooms, lemons, and spices. Christine's family served them on large trays on the picnic tables outside and taught us how to crack them open to get to the meat. Just thinking of it makes me want some!!! I wish they sold crawfish around here. It was messy, but SO worth it. :-)

We swam in the pool - the first time in years I've been in a full sized pool and the very first time for Evan! He loved it. I took him out at one point because the sun went behind a cloud and I saw him shivering. I sat on the pool deck with him wrapped in a towel and he spent the whole time trying to get back into the pool! Christine's aunt took him back in the pool and he was giggling and laughing. :-)

We went to New Orleans on Monday and spent the evening walking around and going out for dinner. Once again, Evan was SO well behaved! We ended up going to a fancy restaurant (the manager came out while we were standing outside

talking about what to do and convinced us to eat there). I was really nervous about Evan being there, but he was better behaved than half the adults in there!

Tuesday we went to the aquarium and I'm so glad we did! Evan's favorite thing there were the jellyfish by far. LOVED them. He kept trying to grab them. lol My favorite thing was the otter. Or the penguins. Or the seahorses. Or petting the stingrays. I can't decide!

That night Christine's mom came to the hotel to watch Evan while we went out to dinner, to Bourbon Street, and then the casino. It was so nice of her to volunteer to do that. I didn't expect anyone to do that and didn't expect to get to go to Bourbon St or to the casino. I actually think I was doing her mom a favor. lol Her entire family LOVED Evan and I was actually a little afraid one of them would run off with him. ;-)

Wednesday we went to the WWII museum and the Riverwalk. I ate my first po-boy. Fried catfish on french bread in a sandwich. They also come in shrimp, oysters, and...I can't remember, but I think some other type of seafood. Our hotel overlooked the river and we could see the steamboats. So beautiful!!

Thursday we went to Jackson Square and saw the St Louis cathedral. We walked around all day stopping at restaurants and going into shops. We went back to the Riverwalk to Cafe du Monde and ate beignets (DELICIOUS!). New Orleans is beautiful! I wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much as I did. My dad has been twice on business and hated it (of course, his company put him in a hotel on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras....not his thing at all, lol).

That evening we headed back to Christine's hometown and stopped at a snowball stand. Once again, something that is SO GOOD that they don't have in NC. Evan tried some of our snowballs and he loved them too. :-)

Friday we headed to Mississippi to visit Christine's grandmother. We had met her at the graduation and she loved loved loved Evan. So we stayed the night at her house. Sure enough, she was trying to steal Evan away. She even wanted him to sleep in her bed with her! lol That night was a little rough, I think at that point he'd had enough. Thankfully he waited until he was in bed to lose it so he didn't "ruin" our visit with Christine's grandparents since we'd been there several hours at that point.

Then we headed back home. The trip home was rough. Evan was fussy the entire time. The next day he woke up with a cold. I think the week wore him out. I'm grateful that he was so good while we were there though. He's such a great traveler!

Anyway, next I'm going to post a 9 month description of Evan. He's changing SO MUCH!

Mama

Thanks for all of the supportive comments on my last post!!! I made a visit to the vitamin store last week and bought fenugreek. Haven't bought any of the mother's tea or anything, but I plan to. Have been eating oatmeal every day (I usually do that anyway) and trying my hardest to drink a lot of water.

AND today was the first day Evan has nursed every feeding time since his tooth broke through 3 weeks ago!!! I still gave him a bottle of breast milk after his last feeding, but at least he nursed!!! I'm SO SO SO glad! I'm just amazed at how well we're doing. I can't believe I was that close to quitting. I really was. I had made the decision to wean him. But after writing that last post I realized how much I wanted to keep trying. So I decided to give it one more chance.

My letdown is happening quicker now and I think Evan has realized it will happen if he just gives it a minute or so. I'm still afraid we'll have more problems next time a tooth breaks through or something, but at least my letdown is better and I'm having much more success pumping, which is encouraging.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was great. :-) I still felt a little melancholy though. I just feel bad for all of the women who are excluded. And it was a little confusing when people told me "happy first Mother's Day." I was a mother last year. I was pregnant with Evan and if I hadn't lost my first baby I would have had a 3-4 month old baby by the time Mother's Day came around. Like I posted last year, I feel like women who have had miscarriages/struggle with IF are still mothers.

Plus the situation with the in-laws as escalated to the point where Matt called MIL to talk again (he had this same discussion with her in November and it made no difference), but I think this time he was a little firmer. She says she feels bad and asked what she can do to make it better. And we don't know how she can make it better. If she hasn't wanted to be a part of Evan's life up to now, why would that be any different now? Anyway, she called me twice on Saturday to talk, but both times I didn't get her call (I didn't do it on purpose though!). I really should have called her back today, but didn't feel like getting into it all. But it kind of put a little damper on Mother's Day. I think MIL was expecting us to come over for a cookout and stuff. And I just don't get why she's the only one attempting to make things better. FIL just gets off...like he hasn't done anything. *sigh* oh well!!! On to happier things........

Anyway, when I wasn't taking care of the baby (Matt parked at church in the morning and then did some grocery shopping in the evening), I was able to relax and nap a little bit in the morning. We all went to a park down the road in the early evening. It was a gorgeous day and perfect for doing some light hiking on the trails. When we came home Matt cooked burgers on our new grill...it was the first time we've used it. They were delicious!! Evan gave me a card that is adorable and is now sitting on top of the TV. It might just stay there forever. :-) The best gift was Matt folding the laundry, doing the dishes, and cleaning the house. And all of those things are already piling up again. lol


I'm so excited that I'm a mama! I absolutely love it. :-) Evan is such a sweetheart and he's cracking me up these days with how active and quick he is. He's still pretty laid back compared to many babies his age, but he's changing so much. He never ceases to amaze me with how he can change from one day to the next.

8 months old

And his newest things (besides teeth!) are blowing raspberries (something he's been able to do for awhile now, but it's like he's discovered he can do it all the time), his cheese ball grin, eating finger foods on his own (Puffs), and bouncing in the Exersaucer.

7 months was the month of biggest changes. Evan changed SO MUCH. Not only the things he does, but also his personality. He's more opinionated, but still the mild, serious sweetheart he's always been. I just notice that he shows annoyance more often (and usually has a good cause to!). I spend less time wondering what he's thinking and how he feels because now I know.

We lowered his crib mattress again (one more time and it will be as low as it can go) because he's up on his hands and knees. He isn't pulling up on things yet, but if he did in the crib he could easily flip or fall out of it because he's so tall. We are also about to put away some of his things in the attic because he's outgrown them. His infant bath tub, his bouncer, and his swing. And in a couple of weeks we'll be putting away the infant carrier car seat and changing to the convertible seat. It's very bittersweet. I'm sad that he's growing, but excited and happy about it as well!

I found THIS bath tub at I.kea for $8! It's what we need. A couple of weeks ago I posted asking about baby bath tub solutions. It's small enough that it's easy to clean and doesn't need much water, but doesn't have all of those slanted sides and bumps on the bottom so he has more room.

So I leave you with a picture of the cheese ball grin:

Easter baby

Bath time

Evan is growing too big for his infant tub. What is the next step? I know they used to have bath rings that you put the baby in for the regular sized tub, but I think I heard those are now dangerous. Evan isn't sitting up unsupported, so he still needs a little more support before he can just sit in the regular tub. The infant tub says it's also a toddler tub, but it is too small for him now!

6 months old.

7 months for Evan, 8 years for the parents!

Yesterday was Evan's 7 month birthday! I think he looks older...I wonder if he feels any older. ;-) And actually, he has changed so much in just the past week. He's so much more coordinated. He will see his pacifier, reach for it, grab it, and put it in his mouth (the right way!). He does it all in one smooth motion. A couple of weeks ago it was much more of a process for him to do that. Sure, he could see things and grab them and put them in his mouth, but there was more scrambling around, he wouldn't get them in his mouth just right, etc.

He's smiling more and more each day. Evan was a slow smiler. He smiled for real (not just gas) when he was 5 weeks old. However, it was until closer to 5 months before he started smiling on a regular basis. And even after that he was slow to smile. However, now he smiles all the time! He still doesn't laugh much though unless he's laughing at Daddy (or Daddy's friend, R). But I'm hopeful that the laughing will be like the smiling, that someday the house will be full of it all the time! Yesterday he was taking a nap in his car seat in the car. When I was getting him out I opened the car door and moved the sunshade cover that is attached to the infant seat. It woke him up. He opened his eyes, saw me, and immediately smiled!! I feel SO blessed to have him and it's the best feeling in the world when he is obviously so happy to see me. :-)

He isn't crawling yet, but he's rolling and scooting all over the place. He can make his way from one room to another just by that. He doesn't move much when I'm in the room with him though. It's if I leave that he starts moving all over the place. I still haven't child proofed the house much, but I'll get around to it!

Today, March 24, is me and Matt's 8th dating anniversary. It seems like just yesterday that we were two teenagers in love. A friend of mine said that she remembers when the guys in my high school Sunday school class used to have to drag Matt out of the high school class and into the college class. We started dating a couple of months before Matt graduated. After that he had to be in the college Sunday school class....but we didn't want to be separated! So all of the high school guys would gang up on Matt and physically drag him out. It was mostly silly and all in good fun, but looking back it was also kind of stupid how the teachers insisted that he leave. lol It just got me to thinking about how IN LOVE we were. I have always felt like we didn't lose that new love feeling as much as most couples do after being married and having kids...but after thinking about how extreme we were those first couple of years...I realize we really have lost a lot of it. That isn't necessarily a bad thing though. Just different. We're more mature now, we don't HAVE to be together all the time. But I'd also like to get a little more of that appreciation for each other back. We knew we were made for each other and we didn't want to be with anyone more than each other.

THIS is the link to the post I wrote last year about how our relationship began. It has pictures! But here is one of us in the Spring of 2002, just after we started our relationship. I'm 16 and Matt is 18! And we have our faces painted, I have a ladybug on my cheek. :-)

Good Luck Charmer

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

heart

So it's Valentine's this weekend and on Monday it's Matt's birthday! We don't have anything major planned at this point. We'll probably go out to dinner on Monday to celebrate both occasions. I want to go to a Japanese steakhouse like we did last year, but it's not the best place to bring a baby, so we might choose another place. We'll see! Matt has Monday off of work, so I think we should do something special and fun as a family during the day, but I don't know what. Too bad it's supposed to rain that day!

What do you have planned for Valentine's Day?

I remember the year I started dating Matt...I was SO depressed on Valentine's Day (it was before we started our relationship). I thought he liked a friend of mine and I definitely didn't think he liked me "in that way."

I had had a crush on him for months, since October 2001. We had been friends for several months (I met him when I was 9 years old, but we didn't get to be friends until I was 15). My friend's mom saw him from a distance and said, "who is that young man? He's pretty good looking!" I laughed out loud automatically, like, "Matt!? Good looking!?" And then I realized....he is good looking. And nice. And funny. I thought, "oh gosh, I think I have a crush on Matt!"

Then just before Christmas 2001 I went Christmas shopping with him and some friends. I left my purse in his car when he dropped me off (it really was accidental!). My family was leaving to go to Arkansas the next morning and so I had my dad drive me to his house (I didn't have my license yet!) to pick up my purse. We went in and were talking to Matt and his family and Matt was kneeling on their couch, facing the back. I was standing behind the couch and he looked up at me.... he had the sweetest look on his face. I knew in that moment that I loved him, it wasn't just a crush anymore. It about took my breath away and it was hard not to show my emotions. I had a week of being in Arkansas to think about it. I missed him so much and emailed him as often as I could.

I kept it to myself, but after that I was so miserable and lovesick. I thought for sure he liked a friend of mine, but now looking back I can't really think why I thought he did since he paid more attention to me than he did to her. But on Valentine's I felt bitter and depressed about the situation. I remember telling another friend of mine, "life sucks." haha, so dramatic! I decided that before Matt went to college in the fall I would tell him how I felt.

But then there was the homeschool historic ball...that was my first hint that he liked me. He called me and asked if he could escort me. It was a magical night and the following weeks I felt more and more strongly that he at least had a crush on me. Then on March 24 he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He said he wanted it to result in marriage...it wasn't going to be a shallow thing. I "thought about it" for a couple of days, but of course the answer was yes from the second the words were out of his mouth, but I didn't want to rush into it so I gave it a couple of days to sink in.

Anyway, y'all know the rest. You can go HERE (same link as the "March 24" link above) to read a little more about our relationship and see some pictures! :-)

5 months old & first foods

My baby turned 5 months old yesterday! It's absolutely amazing that it's been so long since I had him. I can't even describe how I feel about it. Proud, a little melancholy (he's growing too fast!), excited, content....

(Matt and I took Evan to a free preview at a Gymboree class yesterday.)

We've moved into size 3 diapers. He's still in size 3-6 month clothes. I had estimated that he'd move into 6-9 months at this point, but the 3-6 months are still fitting well. His new favorite thing to do at this point is scratching on things with his fingers. Especially the sheets in his crib. He now sleeps on his tummy (we put him in on his back and he flips himself over...the doctor said it is fine for him to sleep however he wants at this point). So when he's really tired he'll lay on his tummy and aimlessly scratch the sheets. It's kind of weird.

Last Friday we started him on rice cereal which i think I already mentioned. We give it to him at his 11:30 feeding (2nd feeding) and his 6:30 feeding (4th feeding). I was going to do 3 times a day like the Babywise book says, but decided to follow the pediatrician's instructions of doing it twice a day instead since Evan is starting a little earlier than the Babywise books recommends (they want you to wait until 6 months if possible).

The bummer thing about this past week was my milk supply dropping a lot. I had noticed Evan was crying while eating and just after, but I thought it was his reflux acting up. I should have put all the signs together (less poop, crying, my milk not dropping for several minutes, him waking earlier in the morning...), but it wasn't until I pumped after feeding him one time and didn't get anything that I started to wonder. A couple of feedings I've pumped instead of feeding him and only less than 3 ounces would come out! We tried giving him formula when he'd cry after finishing, but he wouldn't take it. So he obviously wasn't starving.

Anyway, I've been drinking more and feeding him more often. I meant to go buy some fenugreek since a couple of people recommended that, but I never did make it to the health store. By the time I had the opportunity to make a trip there I felt like my milk was starting to come back. It's been letting down quicker, Evan isn't crying after eating, and he has milk around his mouth just after eating again. I feel like the reason this happened is because I wasn't drinking enough water.

Yesterday I made some sweet potatoes for Evan. I baked 3 sweet potatoes and then mashed them with some breast milk. They were still all stringy though so I put them through the food processor and after that they looked smooth like the pictures of homemade sweet potato puree I've seen. I put them in ice cube treys and froze them. It made A LOT. But the good thing about it is that I'll definitely use them and this just saved me some time. It's a good thing he liked them!

Actually, I think I can safely say he loved them. When we put them in his mouth I don't think he knew it was food. He sat there grinning with the food sitting in his mouth. When he finally swallowed he smiled again and immediately opened his mouth for more. He kept up the smiling and immediately opening his mouth after swallowing the whole time. He even laughed a few times! :-)

Growth Spurt

I'm not going to go into details about the growth spurt now, but it was a rough week!! It's over now, but today he has hardly napped. So even though I'm not feeding him every 2 hours, he's still waking up and fussing unless I put him in his swing. He's never been great at napping, but it's been worse the past couple of days.

I'm actively working on fixing this "problem." It might not be something that can be fixed or even should be fixed, we'll see. At this point I'm trying to keep nap time as nap time, even if he isn't sleeping. I either keep putting his pacifier in while he's in his bassinet or I put him in his swing (he still doesn't sleep in his swing, but he's quiet). One thing I need to start doing is putting him in his crib for naps instead of in his bassinet in our bedroom.

Speaking of that, I still haven't started putting him in his crib for nights. :-( I think I'm ready though. It's been hard for me to think about him being in another room at night. Right now his bassinet is right next to my side of the bed. I leave the bathroom light on so I can see him at night. Not that I've been looking at him at night though. After I go to bed I don't look in because he rarely makes a sound at night. So it's getting easier to imagine him not being right next to me at night.

Oh well...I am tired and have a headache. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I've found a playgroup and have been doing things with them. Tomorrow is the first time I'm going to someone's house for a playgroup meeting and it's 30 minutes away. Then in the afternoon I'm meeting a friend who will then come over for a movie night at our house. So I'll be busy from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed.

We decorated our tree on Saturday:

Baby Games

Some games I like to play with Evan:

• "How big is Evan?" "SSOOO big!" (and spread his arms out)
• "This little piggy went to market"
• the airplane game (where I put his belly against my shins and lay down and lift my legs so he's "flying" in the air)
  
• pretending to steal his nose (this one's his favorite by far, it gets the biggest smiles and even some laughs...don't ask me why. lol)
• holding his toys up and moving them so he can bat at them and follow them with his eyes
• putting his rattle in his hand so he can shake it...or put it in his mouth

3 months old with his rattle

THIS is his favorite toy. He'll lose interest in his other toys, but he's always ready to track this one with his eyes and try to grab at it. This is also the only toy he'll grab on his own, without us holding it against his hand first.

2.5 months old with his caterpillar (yes, Daddy is responsible for making it look like the hungry caterpillar ate through Evan!)

What games do you play with your child and how old is he/she? Any more ideas for games to play with 3-4 month olds? It's always hard for me to think of things to do with Evan during his play time.

2 Month Appointment

Evan had his 2 month doctor appointment yesterday. Everything is looking good! His weight gain is great. He's 11 lbs, 12 oz now!! I can't believe he's gained almost 5 pounds since he was born! Well, I actually can believe it when I'm holding him. That child is heavy! He's in the 50th percentile for weight and 75th for height...he's 23.5 inches. Tall baby. :-) I'm pleased with his growth. I sometimes worry if he's getting enough to eat, I wonder if I'd be able to tell if my milk production decreased. But he's obviously doing great in the eating department!

For those of you who exclusively breastfeed, do you give your baby vitamins? I was told to give Evan the vitamin drops, but had never heard of that before! Although I guess the only other infant I've had close contact with (my ex-best friend's son) was formula fed so didn't need the vitamins.

Evan also had his shots yesterday. :-( Poor baby! He's so good at the doctor. He just lays there on the table and lets them do whatever they need to do for them. Except at his very first appointment, he did cry then when we took his clothes off..... now i need to share the pathetic (and cute) picture of that!
Anyway, the nurse gave him the first of 3 shots and he didn't seem to notice. I was hoping he wouldn't cry at all, but it was just a delayed reaction! After a couple of seconds he started crying so loud. His face turned bright red. It was so sad!

I was told by a friend not to touch the baby while he is getting his shots, only afterward. That way he doesn't associate you with the pain. We told the nurse that we didn't want to hold him or touch him, but she said we had to hold his hands, it is a safety policy there. So Matt held his hands while he received the shots and then as soon as they were over I cradled him and Matt put his arms around both of us and we comforted him. He cried for about a minute and then settled down. He went to sleep pretty quickly and was fine the rest of the day.

Everything else is looking good with Evan. We had a couple of questions about a rash on his neck (caused by being too moist, we just have to put some baby powder on it sometimes to keep it dry) and about his fondness for having his head tilted back at a weird angle (which is fine since it isn't due to breathing problems).

Anyway, we're looking forward to Halloween coming up. Evan has a cute outfit that he's going to wear. I've already been having fun with his pumpkin bibs the past couple of weeks! Fall is a fun time. :-)