Words

Words Evan is saying at 13.5 months old:

Hey

Bye bye

Ma (Mama)

Da (Daddy)

Kitty

Milk

Duck

Bird

Book (he's still working on the pronunciation of this one!)

Nana (not so sure about this, but my mom insists he is saying it - meaning her of course)

Anxiety

Okay so here's the deal....

My anxiety attacks have dramatically increased since I became pregnant. Like.....on a good day I have 5-10 anxiety attacks, some days I have them almost constantly. That's made me more sick than morning sickness. I also feel like I'm having problems with depression.

I talked to my midwife last Tuesday and she prescribed me Zolo.ft for the anxiety. She isn't convinced that I'm having depression problems and thinks that it's probably just pregnancy in general making me feel this way. At the time I smiled and nodded, but I know my own body and I know that I've had some real depression. Thankfully that's been a little better the past couple of weeks, but the anxiety is still a problem. Regardless though, she said this medicine should help the depression if I'm experiencing that too, but not to be concerned if it doesn't go away, because that would just mean that it's normal pregnancy symptoms.

I'm on 25 mg of the medicine, a very low dosage. It took me until Sunday to start taking them. And I still feel guilty about it. I just don't know....I was hoping the midwife would tell me some natural remedies, but this is what she recommended first and she seemed to feel strongly about it.

Matt and I did research and there's no proof at this point that Zo.loft can cause problems in the first 2 trimesters. And then the effects of anxiety/panic attacks on a baby can be serious like development problems, increased risk of diabetes and heart problems in the future. My chances of preterm labor are increased.

Sigh.......... I feel anxious about this stupid anxiety medicine. I was ALL NATURAL with Evan. I never took a single pain reliever pill while I was pregnant. Not while I was pregnant, not during labor, not even after labor (well, until about a week went by and I had to take Motr.in for my sore breasts, but that's a whole other story!).

I also had a flu shot last week. I don't know if that was the right thing to do either. If my mom wasn't a teacher and didn't come into contact with the flu every year I probably wouldn't have taken it.

Did any of you take antidepressants while in your first trimester? I'm hoping to go off the medicine by the second trimester, but who knows. And did any of you get the flu shot while pregnant? I'm just so nervous and upset by this........ I just feel that I'm already failing this baby. I did everything right with Evan and felt so confident. And I feel like it's all out of control this time around.

guilty

I feel guilty for not eating well with this pregnancy. For not exercising. For not being as careful. For taking medicine instead of having the med-free pregnancy I had last time.