Excited

I'm so excited about being the new nursery coordinator at my church!  I've had ups and downs about it since I volunteered, but recently I read a book, The Duggars: 20 and Counting, that mentioned some things that I really needed to hear.  I've been filled with peace about my decision and I'm actually excited about it!

I have to keep reminding myself that there's no rush, I don't have to do everything that needs to be done right away.  Nobody is expecting me to.  I have a lot of help out there if I need it.

My anxiety and depression (which have taken a turn for the worse after temporarily being A LOT better for a couple of months) are interfering, but that just reminds me to constantly pray about this new responsibility.  And that in turn reminds me to pray about other stuff.

I just had to get that out there!  It's not something I want to put on facebook right now and my journal is too far away.  I always say I want to get back to blogging, but it's just not happening with my depression these days.

Keep me in your prayers and/or positive thoughts if you are reading this!

Other Updates

At the end of July I became a consultant for Pampered Chef. I'm surprised at how much I enjoy it! It's been a great way to make extra money and get out of the house a little bit. I'm a little concerned at how it will work if I have morning sickness as bad as I did with Evan though. I could hardly stand the smell of most foods then, so I definitely wouldn't be able to go to someone's house and cook a meal while giving a demonstration! But we'll see how it goes. The good thing about PC is that I can take a break and then start up again whenever I want.

It's a big change for me. I wish I had started doing it years ago when I couldn't find a job before we started TTC. I remember feeling so depressed that I didn't have anything to do. I'm just surprised more people don't do this! Not only do I earn a commission (that is higher and higher the more I sell each month) I get SO MUCH free stuff. I have received HUNDREDS of dollars worth of free stuff in the last month and a half. If any of you are interested in learning more please email me (click on my profile on the left sidebar) and we can chat about it!

Another big thing going on right now is that we have decided to try to sell our house!! I'm really, really hoping it will work out. We actually have a specific house in mind that we want to buy. I'm praying desperately that it will stay available until we can get it! But the price was just reduced this week...the owners are very eager to sell. So I'm worried that it's not going to stay on the market much longer....

I just hope our house will sell FAST! The realtor who helped us buy our house is confident that we will sell pretty quickly. He's not in the business now so we are searching for another realtor. Uggg...that's already been a mess. I guess I should just take care of it myself, but basically I told Matt that if he couldn't get hold of the lady we were wanting (that my parents used a couple of years ago) by late morning to find someone else so we can start the process NOW. But of course it's been 2 days and nothing has happened.

Ahh! I'm excited/nervous about that on top of being excited/nervous about this pregnancy. I'm just hoping that soon the time will fly by as we pack up our stuff and move from this 40 year old 3 bedroom 1450 sq ft house to an 8 year old 6 bedroom 2940 sq ft house with an office, dining room, garage and neighborhood park!!

7 months for Evan, 8 years for the parents!

Yesterday was Evan's 7 month birthday! I think he looks older...I wonder if he feels any older. ;-) And actually, he has changed so much in just the past week. He's so much more coordinated. He will see his pacifier, reach for it, grab it, and put it in his mouth (the right way!). He does it all in one smooth motion. A couple of weeks ago it was much more of a process for him to do that. Sure, he could see things and grab them and put them in his mouth, but there was more scrambling around, he wouldn't get them in his mouth just right, etc.

He's smiling more and more each day. Evan was a slow smiler. He smiled for real (not just gas) when he was 5 weeks old. However, it was until closer to 5 months before he started smiling on a regular basis. And even after that he was slow to smile. However, now he smiles all the time! He still doesn't laugh much though unless he's laughing at Daddy (or Daddy's friend, R). But I'm hopeful that the laughing will be like the smiling, that someday the house will be full of it all the time! Yesterday he was taking a nap in his car seat in the car. When I was getting him out I opened the car door and moved the sunshade cover that is attached to the infant seat. It woke him up. He opened his eyes, saw me, and immediately smiled!! I feel SO blessed to have him and it's the best feeling in the world when he is obviously so happy to see me. :-)

He isn't crawling yet, but he's rolling and scooting all over the place. He can make his way from one room to another just by that. He doesn't move much when I'm in the room with him though. It's if I leave that he starts moving all over the place. I still haven't child proofed the house much, but I'll get around to it!

Today, March 24, is me and Matt's 8th dating anniversary. It seems like just yesterday that we were two teenagers in love. A friend of mine said that she remembers when the guys in my high school Sunday school class used to have to drag Matt out of the high school class and into the college class. We started dating a couple of months before Matt graduated. After that he had to be in the college Sunday school class....but we didn't want to be separated! So all of the high school guys would gang up on Matt and physically drag him out. It was mostly silly and all in good fun, but looking back it was also kind of stupid how the teachers insisted that he leave. lol It just got me to thinking about how IN LOVE we were. I have always felt like we didn't lose that new love feeling as much as most couples do after being married and having kids...but after thinking about how extreme we were those first couple of years...I realize we really have lost a lot of it. That isn't necessarily a bad thing though. Just different. We're more mature now, we don't HAVE to be together all the time. But I'd also like to get a little more of that appreciation for each other back. We knew we were made for each other and we didn't want to be with anyone more than each other.

THIS is the link to the post I wrote last year about how our relationship began. It has pictures! But here is one of us in the Spring of 2002, just after we started our relationship. I'm 16 and Matt is 18! And we have our faces painted, I have a ladybug on my cheek. :-)

heart

So it's Valentine's this weekend and on Monday it's Matt's birthday! We don't have anything major planned at this point. We'll probably go out to dinner on Monday to celebrate both occasions. I want to go to a Japanese steakhouse like we did last year, but it's not the best place to bring a baby, so we might choose another place. We'll see! Matt has Monday off of work, so I think we should do something special and fun as a family during the day, but I don't know what. Too bad it's supposed to rain that day!

What do you have planned for Valentine's Day?

I remember the year I started dating Matt...I was SO depressed on Valentine's Day (it was before we started our relationship). I thought he liked a friend of mine and I definitely didn't think he liked me "in that way."

I had had a crush on him for months, since October 2001. We had been friends for several months (I met him when I was 9 years old, but we didn't get to be friends until I was 15). My friend's mom saw him from a distance and said, "who is that young man? He's pretty good looking!" I laughed out loud automatically, like, "Matt!? Good looking!?" And then I realized....he is good looking. And nice. And funny. I thought, "oh gosh, I think I have a crush on Matt!"

Then just before Christmas 2001 I went Christmas shopping with him and some friends. I left my purse in his car when he dropped me off (it really was accidental!). My family was leaving to go to Arkansas the next morning and so I had my dad drive me to his house (I didn't have my license yet!) to pick up my purse. We went in and were talking to Matt and his family and Matt was kneeling on their couch, facing the back. I was standing behind the couch and he looked up at me.... he had the sweetest look on his face. I knew in that moment that I loved him, it wasn't just a crush anymore. It about took my breath away and it was hard not to show my emotions. I had a week of being in Arkansas to think about it. I missed him so much and emailed him as often as I could.

I kept it to myself, but after that I was so miserable and lovesick. I thought for sure he liked a friend of mine, but now looking back I can't really think why I thought he did since he paid more attention to me than he did to her. But on Valentine's I felt bitter and depressed about the situation. I remember telling another friend of mine, "life sucks." haha, so dramatic! I decided that before Matt went to college in the fall I would tell him how I felt.

But then there was the homeschool historic ball...that was my first hint that he liked me. He called me and asked if he could escort me. It was a magical night and the following weeks I felt more and more strongly that he at least had a crush on me. Then on March 24 he asked me to be in a relationship with him. He said he wanted it to result in marriage...it wasn't going to be a shallow thing. I "thought about it" for a couple of days, but of course the answer was yes from the second the words were out of his mouth, but I didn't want to rush into it so I gave it a couple of days to sink in.

Anyway, y'all know the rest. You can go HERE (same link as the "March 24" link above) to read a little more about our relationship and see some pictures! :-)

7 Years

Matt and I are celebrating our 7 year dating anniversary! It's also been 3 years since he proposed! Unfortunately he's in California now, but he gets back Thursday morning so we're planning on doing something special after that. :-)

I may have already mentioned this on here, but when Matt asked me out the first time he said then that he wanted our relationship to end in marriage. We had been best friends for almost a year and had known each other for 7 years. I already knew I loved him even though we had never talked about it. For a long time I thought that he liked a friend of mine. However, a couple of weeks before he asked me out he asked if he could escort me to the historical ball that the homeschool group had every year (basically it's a prom). And then there had been a few other times that I suspected he liked me. It was still kind of a surprise that he liked me that much though! We waited a few months to say "I love you" to each other because we didn't want to start saying it until we knew 100% that we were going to stay together and eventually get married and by August of that year, after spending even more time together, we knew for sure.

As for our proposal, Matt was supposed to go out of town on a class trip on March 24, 2006 so he had arranged that we would have our big date when he got back. I made plans to meet my brother and sister for dinner and then they were going to come up and spend the night at my apartment. We said our goodbyes and then that evening after work I drove down to meet Chris and Melissa. I arrived at the Mc.Don.alds and sat down to wait for them and all of a sudden Matt popped up beside me! It turns out his field trip had been canceled at the last minute, he hadn't even known until he went to class that afternoon after we said goodbye. So he offered to take me anywhere I wanted for dinner and he had arranged that my brother and sister would meet us at my apartment later.

We went to a BBQ place and then Matt drove us to a shopping center (which is now 2 minutes down the road from our house!). It was a cute little place with fountains that were all lit up at night. We walked around talking and stopped by the fountains. Matt said he wanted to give me my anniversary gifts. First he pulled out the camera he had just bought me for Valentine's the month before and said that I could use it after he gave me the last gift. Then he pulled out a wad of toilet paper and said I might want to use it after the last gift (I was actually totally confused by this...was it something scary to make me pee my pants!?) and then he pulled out a cell phone, also to use after the next gift. Now at this point it crossed my mind that the next gift could very possibly be THE BIG GIFT. However, I was still kind of confused about the combination of "gifts" he had just given me and I knew that our date scheduled in a few days was still on and it was supposed to be nice, so I figured he would propose then if he was planning on proposing at all (we had already discussed engagements and decided to wait until after he graduated). But sure enough, when he pulled out the next gift he got down on one knee and said, "I hope you'll use this gift forever because I'll love you forever. Will you marry me?" and he opened the box and there was the most beautiful ring EVER! Of course I said yes. :-) It turns out that the camera was for taking pictures after the proposal (duh), the toilet paper was because he couldn't find a tissue and was just in case I cried (definitely would have made more sense if it was a tissue), and the phone was for calling friends and relatives to let them know the good news afterwards. :-)

So needless to say, this day is a big day for us. Our relationship is extra special so we celebrate 2 anniversaries every year. :-)

Now for the pictures!

2002 (Matt was 18, I was 16) - when it all began. A couple of weeks after the ball we volunteered to visit nursing homes to show off our dresses and provide entertainment by dancing. After the nursing homes we went to a shopping center with a beautiful fountain (sound familiar?) and danced. I danced with Matt the whole time (I was SO pleased), although this was a week before he asked me out. For those of you who care, I'm wearing a Civil War style gown (that's me and Matt in the middle, dancing down the line).



2003: The historical ball. This time I wore a Colonial style gown. Yep, it's an authentic pattern. Lots of sewing by hand!



2004: My senior ball. This time around I'm wearing a Renaissance style dress although it's hard to see...this is the only picture I have on my computer of that ball.


*Update: 2005: We weren't doing anything special, but was close to March of that year and we were in love (that's special!). Wow....I'm so mushy today!


2006: Engaged!

2007: Trip to the mountains for my Spring Break.


2008: NYC trip (cold!)

Honest Scrap

Nity tagged me for the Honest Scrap. Thanks!! She is due 2 weeks before me, I'm so excited for her! :-) She's a really cool person, if you haven't checked her blog out yet, you definitely should.

So here's the rules...

• Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
• Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
• List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

As for the 10 honest things....well....

1.) I'm sad/disappointed that my brother isn't coming home for Spring Break at all and may not be coming home for summer break. He's really drifted away from our family the past couple of years. He doesn't even want us to visit him anymore. We used to go up there every fall for a weekend to visit, but this past year he told us not to bother, that he would be "too busy." He's just very independent, I don't think he feels as strongly about family connections as the rest of my family does. It's hard to understand, but I know some people are just like that. lol I guess this is really more about my brother than me, but it's just on my mind, his Spring Break is this week.

2.) I'm allergic to almost all antibiotics. Penicillin, erythromycin, sulfa, and anything related to those. The last time I was sick enough to need an antibiotic (strep throat) the doctor had to get out one of his medical books to find one that would work! Even then he wasn't sure I wouldn't have an allergic reaction since it was distantly related to erythromycin, but thankfully it worked!

3.) Maybe it's just some form of OCD, but germs really bother me, I swear I can feel them on my hands! I carry hand sanitizer in my purse to use when I'm out and touch something. I avoid touching door handles, shopping cart handles, etc, by pulling my sleeves down and using them as a barrier. lol It's a little better in the summer when I don't imagine that every surface has cold and flu germs all over.

4.) I may have already mentioned this on here, but I really hated planning my wedding. Like, I seriously wish we had eloped (my dad offered to pay us to elope!! lol). Of course, planning it may have been better if I had started while I was still in school instead of waiting for summer break, if I hadn't worked full time the first couple of weeks of summer, if I hated gone on vacation for almost 2 weeks, if my ex-best friend and her son hadn't moved in with us and I didn't have to babysit him all day every day, if my cousin hadn't died, if I hadn't taken summer classes, and if I hadn't gone on to be a full time student for the fall semester. Oh, and if I had just plain had more time or decided to get married some time other than fall break when I only had 2 days off school! Oh well, it's over and done with and I was overall happy with the wedding, it was just a very hectic and traumatic time leading up to it and I don't think I'll ever be able to "get over" it!

5.) I've always wanted to adopt (well, since I was about 10 or 11). My parents know a family who are missionaries in China. They run an orphanage and used to send us update letters regularly. They used to talk about some of the girls (most of the children in their orphanage are girls because of China's one child law) and I remember feeling the strongest desire to adopt a girl from China. It has stuck with me ever since and Matt and I have talked about it and have decided to go for it! He also feels strongly about adopting because both of his parents grew up in a children's home. Of course, plans may change, but at this point we want to have 2 children of our own and then a little later in life arrange to adopt at least one child (probably internationally).

6.) I don't like dogs. Some dogs are okay, but most I don't like. (don't kill me!)

7.) I can't count how many times in my life I've "gone along" with my girl friends pretending to be scared of something or obsessed with a guy or confused about something. It's sad, especially when I pretend not to know something or understand something. I just don't like to make people feel uncomfortable so I go along with them sometimes. Obviously I don't do this as much anymore, mainly because most of my friends have grown up and don't act as silly. ;-)

8.) My most hated food is sausage. Sausage on pizza is okay and I bet I could eat the sliced sausage that you fry up in a pan and put on a biscuit, but those thick kinds, like the ones shaped like hot dogs....disgusting. Thankfully those aren't as popular in the south, whew! Most of my bad experiences with them are from visiting up north.

9.) When I was in Indonesia I was so homesick. I spent a lot of time crying and thinking about how much I wished I had never gone. Thankfully the last part of the week was better since we left the city and my dad wasn't working so we could go out and do things all day. Now I regret it and wish I had taken advantage of the trip while I could. I miss it there and want to go back.

10.) I like paying bills "by hand." Automatic payments confuse me, it's hard for me to keep track of what's coming out of our bank account when. I like the control I have when I write out a check and decide when to send it in. It helps me stay organized when it comes to finances. So some bills we have on automatic online payments and the other half I pay with checks (I know it's a waste of paper and that does bother me, but it's worth it to me to stay on top of finances.)


And the 7 brilliant blogs...

Joy - She has 2 blogs and they are both brilliant, but I'm really into her pregnancy blog these days! She's due a month and a half after me after a long, hard TTC journey and I'm so excited for her!! I also love her honesty, especially in her pregnancy blog.

Anne - I love Anne's blog for several reasons. Not only do I love her personality, her children are adorable and she's very artistic. I love seeing her new photos and hearing about her latest purchases and projects!

Becky - Becky never ceases to amaze me! She's been through a rough TTC process, but she keeps going and doesn't let the negative things get her down. Right now she's going through and lifestyle change and I have to say, I'm very impressed and proud of her! Go cheer her on!

Donna - Another one of my artistic friends with cute kids! Seeing and hearing about her boys makes me think about how much fun it would be to have a boy and I love all of her awesome card designs. She sent me a Christmas card and it was amazing! I still have it sitting by my computer!

Valeta - I love this girl's honesty! Her posts my me laugh, cry, sympathize, and go "awww" every time I see her adorable kids! She's a good, loyal friend who just had her 3rd baby, a beautiful boy.

Crysbena - I can't remember how I met her, I think it was through the Nest message boards. We've had a lot in common in the past, good and bad. I'm praying that she will join me in pregnancy soon so we can be together in that as well!

Uhu - I just started going to her blog and don't know her very well, but I feel a connection with her and am enjoying her posts!

Welcome to the new Christmas in March!

I've created a new blog to reflect my new life as a mother. I want the posts on here to be positive. There are so many negative posts on my old blog. The miscarriage, the struggles of TTC, jealousy, dissatisfaction, complaints. I want to start fresh and make this a positive place for myself and others!

Here is a condensed history of my journey to motherhood (so far) for my new visitors. I married my husband, Matt, on October 7, 2006. At that point we had been in a relationship for 4 and a half years. We met when we were kids, but didn't start our relationship until I was 16 and he was 18. Now we're 23 and 24, have been married over 2 years, and are still best friends as well as husband and wife.

My husband and I started TTC in March 2008 after much prayer and planning. Our plans kept going back and forth as to the exact time to TTC, but we finally settled on March, which I was very excited about because I wanted to get started as soon as possible! We wanted to be financially secure before even trying to have a baby and for us, that meant buying a house. In March we hadn't signed the contract for our house yet, but we knew we could afford one and would have one before the summer began. Sure enough, we bought our first house on May 22.

The week before purchasing the home, we found out we were pregnant, just 2 months after trying! Everything seemed perfect, we had a new home and a new baby. However, a week after moving in, I had a miscarriage. Needless to say, I was devastated and remained that way for months. It was rough unpacking and getting settled with my depression to deal with, but I don't want to concentrate on that right now! It will always be a part of my life. Even now that I have another life inside me, it still hurts to remember that time in my life and I think it always will.

On New Year's Eve, we found out we were pregnant again! Our due date is September 9, 2009 and so far everything is going well! We've already had a first appointment and have an ultrasound scheduled for this Monday when I'll be 6w5d to (hopefully) see a heartbeat. I'm seeing a group of 5 midwives. I'm interested in natural childbirth, but I haven't firmly planned on that yet. I will be delivering at a hospital, so both natural and medicated births are an option.

So now you're all caught up. Thanks for visiting if this is your first time and thanks for making the change with me if you're one of my regular Blogger friends!