BFP #1

Yesterday marked a year since we found out about our first pregnancy. I thought about it a lot, but didn't want to dwell on it anymore than I had to, so I didn't mention it in my post and I never even talked about it with Matt. The anniversary of the first pregnancy and the miscarriage are harder to deal with than I thought. I noticed that thinking about the miscarriage even after getting pregnant again was still hard, but I didn't think the anniversaries would be this rough. It's been on my mind a lot more than usual the past week.

I feel so sad that we didn't get to meet our first baby, that it had to end like that. At a time that should have been perfect. I still feel really bitter when I think about the events surrounding the miscarriage, how I was treated by the people who should have supported me the most, how I had hardly any help or encouragement from people I know in real life. It's upsetting to think that most of the people who knew I had a miscarriage didn't care at the time, and now if they even think about it at all they probably think I'm completely over it now that I'm pregnant again. But it still hurts and I still grieve for the child I didn't get to hold in my arms.

I'm so thankful for all of my Blogger friends though. I don't know what I would have done without y'all. You rejoiced when I received that BFP, grieved with me as I had a miscarriage, and supported me for a year afterward. Even those of you who haven't experienced a miscarriage yourselves have been very encouraging and have said and done all of the right things. It honestly doesn't take much to comfort someone who is grieving, you don't have to say any magic words or try to explain or justify the loss, just say "I'm praying," "I'm thinking of you," "I'm sorry." The most touching comments I heard were those that expressed concern for me and conveyed that me and my baby were special. One of the worst things is feeling that people didn't think that my pregnancy or baby mattered. So thanks to all of you who did care and continue to do so!!!