23 Weeks

Time is really flying by! Evan is still the size of a papaya and weighs just over one pound. Twice in the past 2 days he's kicked me really hard, it really surprises me! If I had been looking at my stomach those times I probably would have seen it from the outside. I'm hoping that if I get pregnant again I won't have an anterior placenta so that I will be able to feel more kicks and movement. I only felt 2 flutters and just think about how many of his kicks and movements I can't feel because they aren't strong enough to get through the placenta. It's weird to think that I could be feeling him even more! It's funny because to me this is normal, but then I think, actually I could be feeling him so much more and could have felt all those little flutters that most women feel for awhile before the kicks start.

Matt is out of town again. He's been traveling a lot the past month. Every week actually, even last week after we arrived home from Boston. Next week he won't be traveling on business, but we're going to the beach with his family on Thursday. His family will be there the whole week, but my mom, Matt, and I will be going up Thursday evening and staying until sometime on Saturday. It was really nice of his parents to invite my family. Unfortunately my dad won't be able to make it since he's traveling on business, but my mom is coming along. My sister might be, but she's missed a lot of school the past year and "doesn't want to miss another day." I actually think that she wants to stay at home alone because she has more absences she could use and she's already admitted that they aren't doing much in school since they only have a couple of more weeks. She has a boyfriend that she stays out late with and spends every spare moment hanging out with and I have a feeling she'll be with him quite a bit while the house is empty and everyone is gone.

When I was in high school and dating Matt my parents were so strict. I had a 10:00 curfew when I was Melissa's age and the few times I was left alone at night I was too nervous to actually stay out past curfew or have Matt over! Now I wish I had gone ahead and done what I wanted, it's actually really sad how much I wanted to please my parents. Melissa gets away with everything, she goes out late at night with her boyfriend all the time, sometimes even until 2 in the morning and my parents don't care at all. It's frustrating to think of all the stress I could have avoided when I lived at home if I hadn't cared so much about what my parents thought. My sister figured out a long time ago that she should just do what she wants and not care too much because things are the way they are with my parents. Of course, she doesn't get punished when she breaks the rules and I'm sure I would have, so it is different.

I think it's good for parents to be strict and I don't plan on letting my future kids stay out all night with other kids I don't know, but I also don't want to put a lot of pressure on them to where they always strive for my approval and are so disappointed when they grow up and look back and realized they didn't get it even after everything they did right. If I set standards for one child I want to keep those standards for all of my kids and I want to show them my approval and let them know that I appreciate it when they respect the rules I set. I don't want to make them feel like they are going to lose something important if they break the rules sometimes. It must be harder than it looks not to have a favorite child because I know so many families where that's the case (including mine), but I don't want to play favorites either. It's crushing to work so hard and then have another sibling still be the "best" when they don't bother to follow rules or respect guidelines. There's a book called Growing Up Firstborn that I skimmed through a couple of years ago and I was amazed at how well it described my life. I was also happy to see that the author (I can't remember his name) understood that it's important for parents not to put too much pressure on the oldest child, especially without rewarding them in some way. I'm planning on reading that book again before Evan is born and having Matt read it too.

Anyway! As if that wasn't a serious enough topic, Matt and I received some bad news today. My SIL's best friend, whose baby is due a few weeks after Evan, was rushed to the hospital this morning when her water broke. We haven't heard any other news. I'm not sure what that means exactly, I have no clue if there's anything that can be done to save the baby, but I know that it's serious. So if you have a moment, please pray for her. I feel just awful because even though I've never been introduced to her, I feel a kinship with her since we have babies due so close together. Plus I know it must be rough on SIL and her husband (SIL's friend's husband is SIL's husband's best friend too...confused?). Matt was afraid to tell me the news since he thought it would scare and worry me, but unfortunately I've heard so many stories like this. I know perfectly well that there are bad things that could happen now or even later in the pregnancy, but there's no use worrying for myself. I'll update y'all when I hear more news about it.

I leave you with my 23 week picture and hope that my next post will be better: