2 posts in one day..what!?

I started this post referring to "these people," trying not to be specific. When I started the new Christmas in March, I wanted to refrain from complaining about people. I would hate it if someone I know IRL read this and saw me complaining about family members or other people in my life, plus it just drags down the atmosphere of my blog. However, I want to blog about this and I decided to just say who it is. It's not like I'm exposing a secret. "These people" act this way publicly and they know it bothers me, so they shouldn't be surprised if I talk about it on a public blog. This is how I keep in touch with many friends, so I'm just going to go for it...I'm changing "these people" to "in-laws."
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Okay, I know this is the second post of the day! And I only have a limited time before Evan wakes from that tricky late afternoon nap, so you'd think I'd have something better to do like cleaning the house! But I have something on my mind that I just have to get out...

So my in-laws have neglected Evan since he was born. Yep, you heard me right, there's actually 2 people out there who don't like my little boy! It hurts, but the main reason it does is because they like other babies and have another grandson who is a regular part of their lives (they see him several times a week).

I don't expect everyone to like my son. Some people don't like babies and that's fine. One of my granddads (my dad's dad) doesn't like babies. He didn't hold Evan when we visited for Christmas and barely looked at him the whole week. That was fine with me because I knew he was like that with all of his kids and grandkids and any other baby that's crossed his path over the years (yep, it's true, he barely held any of his 3 kids when they were babies and certainly didn't help with feedings, changings, etc!). Now, if my grandpa had been holding another baby that week and ignored Evan...well, I'd be really upset. Who wouldn't be?

When Evan was about 2-3 months old we had a talk with them and told them that it was hurting our feelings that they weren't more involved in Evan's life. Not only were they not bothering to see him in person, they wouldn't call or ask how he was. We invited them over several times, but there gets to be a point where you kind of get the hint when you're never invited back. Also, it's hard to have people in your home (and have to provide dinner) when you have a newborn! Anyway, the excuse they gave was that they "forgot" about Evan and "didn't think" about calling. They said they remembered him when people would ask about their other grandson(??? why weren't they asking about Evan too?), but that by the time they had a chance to call they would forget again. MIL sounded very apologetic and sincere.

Kind of weird, but whatever, I know peoples lives get hectic and both of them work (they find time to do crafts, go hunting, and see the other grandchild several times a week, but oh well). So we start seeing each other more around the beginning of December and I think everything is fine and I'm so happy when we see them and they pay attention to my son. Well, we invited ourselves over there to give them their Christmas presents....and SIL invited us to their house for a birthday party for FIL at the beginning of January....we also saw them the first week of January at another relative's house...and that's it. It's been over a month since we've seen them and like I said, they haven't even invited us over since before Christmas (oh yeah, we live about 40 minutes away which is not far for people in the area to travel since that's how far they have to drive to get to stores and restaurants).

We invited them over a couple of weeks ago...called twice to try to set it up. They didn't commit to visiting the first time we called and when we called back they said they were sick. However, they didn't seem interested in rescheduling and never called to try to get together again (although I think Matt has talked to FIL at least once since then). I know they aren't still sick because they have seen the other kid several times since then (i keep up with SIL on facebook).

It blows my mind that anyone could be this way. Especially after we talked to them and told them that their behavior bothered us and they apologized for it!! I told my parents about the situation and they had a theory that basically the in-laws resent Evan for a variety of reasons. It makes sense (I won't go into the details of that), but who can know for sure. I want Matt to talk to them, but he's hesitating to do it again. And it's kind of understandable. I mean, what can they possibly say? It really makes no difference why they are doing this. It doesn't change anything.

Anyway, the reason this is on my mind even more today is that my mom called and said MIL is going to call me about something. My mom thought she'd already called which is why she brought it up. When I said I hadn't heard from her, my mom just told me that MIL has an idea that she wants to talk to me about. MIL talked to my mom about it on Sunday. Mom told me that if MIL doesn't call by Friday she'll go ahead and tell me what it's all about so that I'm not in the dark. I talked to my sister and she also asked if I'd talked to MIL this week. I told her I kind of know what's going on, but that I don't want to know details at this point. Missy said she doesn't think I'm going to be thrilled. I asked if it has something to do with the fact that they are neglecting Evan. She said yes and that she feels that MIL's idea is a lame attempt to make up for the fact that they've pretty much ignored him for 6 months.

Sooooo..... now I'm curious. I also feel like a confrontation is coming up between MIL and me. I've put up with a lot from their family over the years and have never said a word. But this is my son and this is very "in your face." There is no way to excuse their behavior this time around. I wonder if MIL is going to outright say she's making up for all of this, or if she is going to hedge around it. If she tries to avoid it, I wonder if I should let her. I wonder if I should tell her what I think about grandparents who show favoritism and treat one of their grandkids so badly. God says to forgive people, but does that mean that I should let MIL "get away" with all of this without telling her my feelings? Should I let them be a part of Evan's life in the future if that's what they want? I don't feel they deserve that and I feel it would be simpler to separate from them completely. I feel like I've given them so many chances already and that I want to keep my son away from all of the drama. But is that really the right thing...

I don't know what I expect you to say but feel free to vent about your own in-laws (are there other in-laws out there that ignore one of their grandchildren?), to agree with me (of course that's always appreciated, haha!), say what you would do in my situation, and you can even try to offer a reason for their behavior. Please try not to make me feel too horrible for my feelings because it's a touchy subject. It's hard to relate all the details (I could go on even longer!), so even if you think I'm overreacting, keep in mind that there are other reasons why I feel they are neglecting Evan).