Adios

We're going to New Orleans for 8 days! We're leaving Friday afternoon. I'm kind of nervous about being gone for so long. Hoping that Evan will continue to nurse well and won't start teething. The past 2 days he has whined and whined all day. Yesterday I stayed home all day since I wasn't feeling well (allergies) and today we didn't go out or do much in the afternoon, just a chiropractor appointment in the morning. I don't know if he was just bored or if he's teething or what, but I'm afraid it might be teething.

I am glad to spend so much time together as a family though. It will be great for Matt and Evan to spend so much time together!

Mama

Thanks for all of the supportive comments on my last post!!! I made a visit to the vitamin store last week and bought fenugreek. Haven't bought any of the mother's tea or anything, but I plan to. Have been eating oatmeal every day (I usually do that anyway) and trying my hardest to drink a lot of water.

AND today was the first day Evan has nursed every feeding time since his tooth broke through 3 weeks ago!!! I still gave him a bottle of breast milk after his last feeding, but at least he nursed!!! I'm SO SO SO glad! I'm just amazed at how well we're doing. I can't believe I was that close to quitting. I really was. I had made the decision to wean him. But after writing that last post I realized how much I wanted to keep trying. So I decided to give it one more chance.

My letdown is happening quicker now and I think Evan has realized it will happen if he just gives it a minute or so. I'm still afraid we'll have more problems next time a tooth breaks through or something, but at least my letdown is better and I'm having much more success pumping, which is encouraging.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and it was great. :-) I still felt a little melancholy though. I just feel bad for all of the women who are excluded. And it was a little confusing when people told me "happy first Mother's Day." I was a mother last year. I was pregnant with Evan and if I hadn't lost my first baby I would have had a 3-4 month old baby by the time Mother's Day came around. Like I posted last year, I feel like women who have had miscarriages/struggle with IF are still mothers.

Plus the situation with the in-laws as escalated to the point where Matt called MIL to talk again (he had this same discussion with her in November and it made no difference), but I think this time he was a little firmer. She says she feels bad and asked what she can do to make it better. And we don't know how she can make it better. If she hasn't wanted to be a part of Evan's life up to now, why would that be any different now? Anyway, she called me twice on Saturday to talk, but both times I didn't get her call (I didn't do it on purpose though!). I really should have called her back today, but didn't feel like getting into it all. But it kind of put a little damper on Mother's Day. I think MIL was expecting us to come over for a cookout and stuff. And I just don't get why she's the only one attempting to make things better. FIL just gets off...like he hasn't done anything. *sigh* oh well!!! On to happier things........

Anyway, when I wasn't taking care of the baby (Matt parked at church in the morning and then did some grocery shopping in the evening), I was able to relax and nap a little bit in the morning. We all went to a park down the road in the early evening. It was a gorgeous day and perfect for doing some light hiking on the trails. When we came home Matt cooked burgers on our new grill...it was the first time we've used it. They were delicious!! Evan gave me a card that is adorable and is now sitting on top of the TV. It might just stay there forever. :-) The best gift was Matt folding the laundry, doing the dishes, and cleaning the house. And all of those things are already piling up again. lol


I'm so excited that I'm a mama! I absolutely love it. :-) Evan is such a sweetheart and he's cracking me up these days with how active and quick he is. He's still pretty laid back compared to many babies his age, but he's changing so much. He never ceases to amaze me with how he can change from one day to the next.

hard times

The past week and a half of motherhood have been the hardest yet. Sure, the first few weeks of breastfeeding were harder, but I hate to officially say that was the hardest time of motherhood since I did have a beautiful new baby. So I say the past week is officially the hardest. Now, I always hate to complain, especially since so many of my blogger friends have/had infertility struggles and would be more than happy to trade places with me. So I'm complaining, but not about being a mother. It's hard to explain, but this isn't complaining about being a mom or having a baby at all.

It's about nursing problems. I have become a little superstitious the past several months. It seems like just when I brag about something it turns on me. So I should have known not to be proud of our breastfeeding accomplishments the past month or so. I've had a couple of conversations with people saying how much I love breastfeeding and how I'm so glad I stuck with it even though it was seriously the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. The first few weeks were pure torture, but I stuck with it. I thought I'd be glad just to make it to 4 months and here I am 8 months later and planning to breastfeed for a YEAR! And now it is looking like I might be forced to wean Evan at less than 8.5 months.

While Evan was teething it hurt for him to suck, he wouldn't take a bottle either. So he skipped a few nursing sessions. He was also more irritable and so sometimes would just refuse to nurse and we'd give him a bottle. Then after the pain was gone he'd still refuse to nurse sometimes. The first couple of days I'd just give him a bottle and figured when the teething was completely over we'd get back on track. Not so. Now he only nurses 2-3 of 4 nursing sessions. It's a struggle to get him to do even that. The times he doesn't nurse I've started pumping so that my supply won't diminish. But the pumping isn't getting anything out. I will sit there pumping for up to 40 minutes (not easy with a mobile 8 month old!) and NOTHING.

I read to pump until let down and then nurse the baby so he gets an immediate "reward." But I can't get it to let down at all with the pump! My stash of frozen breast milk is getting low and it seems like let down is taking longer and longer when he does nurse. The whole feeding process takes over an hour (try to nurse, pump to see if I can get let down, give up, heat up frozen milk, bottle feed him, pump to see if I can get something out to keep up my supply, give up, rinse out/wash pump, finally feed him solids). Evan gets annoyed and I get annoyed. Often I find that I'm annoyed at HIM. It's hard to write this, but I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I feel angry, even a little angry at him. I feel that he is being very impatient. I think part of it is him learning that he can expect things and that he can BE annoyed. Before the past couple of weeks he just took everything as it came, he had no control. But he's getting more and more control over things and I think it's frustrating for him to not be able to control nursing. I know it's not his fault and he doesn't understand, but I still feel frustrated and wish that he could understand and be more patient.

Evan has never had a SIP of formula. We've tried giving it to him before (once a few days after he was born and went ALL DAY without eating because I was in so much pain and a few more times in January when my supply dwindled) and he refuses to drink it. I was so proud to have an exclusively breastfed baby, not even a sip of formula. So I was worried about weaning him onto formula because I knew he wouldn't take it. He'd have to skip a lot of feeding times before he'd drink it. The pediatrician said he could wean to cow's milk in May/June, but I know he means at least after Evan is 9 months old. I was hoping we could make it til then, but I don't know if we can. Especially since we'll be traveling to New Orleans in a couple of weeks and I don't think I'll be able to pump as often and we certainly won't be able to transport frozen breast milk.

Anyway, I talked to a nurse and she said how I can wean Evan to formula...start mixing it in with bottles of breast milk and gradually put more and more in there. This is SO HARD for me. I've cried a lot the past few days. I love breastfeeding. I really do. It's funny how I went from being unexcited about it (I was only doing it for his health) and not wanting to nurse in public, then to hating it with a passion (those first few weeks), to feeling very positively about it and taking a stance on breastfeeding and nursing him anywhere. I always used a cover, but still, you just don't see that very much around here. But I did it because women should be able to feed their babies anywhere, we shouldn't have to hide.

I feel guilty about making Evan drink the formula that he hates so much. I feel bad for myself because now I have to spend money on formula and wash bottles all the time. I feel betrayed because I was enjoying it so much and I feel like it's been taken from me. I know it's not anyone's fault, but still....that's just how I feel. I didn't make this decision, it's out of my hands, and that's hard because I feel like weaning should be a gradual thing that both mom and baby do together.

HOWEVER --- this morning I was ready to give up, but after talking to the nurse I'm determined to make this work. I'm drinking water like crazy and I'm going to buy some fenugreek. I want my supply to go back up. The nurse said the delayed let down sounds like a milk supply problem, so maybe, just maybe, I can fix this! I'm preparing myself for weaning, but I'm going to keep fighting for a couple of more days first.

8 months old

And his newest things (besides teeth!) are blowing raspberries (something he's been able to do for awhile now, but it's like he's discovered he can do it all the time), his cheese ball grin, eating finger foods on his own (Puffs), and bouncing in the Exersaucer.

7 months was the month of biggest changes. Evan changed SO MUCH. Not only the things he does, but also his personality. He's more opinionated, but still the mild, serious sweetheart he's always been. I just notice that he shows annoyance more often (and usually has a good cause to!). I spend less time wondering what he's thinking and how he feels because now I know.

We lowered his crib mattress again (one more time and it will be as low as it can go) because he's up on his hands and knees. He isn't pulling up on things yet, but if he did in the crib he could easily flip or fall out of it because he's so tall. We are also about to put away some of his things in the attic because he's outgrown them. His infant bath tub, his bouncer, and his swing. And in a couple of weeks we'll be putting away the infant carrier car seat and changing to the convertible seat. It's very bittersweet. I'm sad that he's growing, but excited and happy about it as well!

I found THIS bath tub at I.kea for $8! It's what we need. A couple of weeks ago I posted asking about baby bath tub solutions. It's small enough that it's easy to clean and doesn't need much water, but doesn't have all of those slanted sides and bumps on the bottom so he has more room.

So I leave you with a picture of the cheese ball grin:

Teefs

Evan's first tooth came in today! Matt discovered it first and is very proud of the fact. :-)

Cold in the eye

Evan has pink eye. :-( This is the first time he's ever been sick with anything other than a cold. And he's only had a cold once.

I thought he had a clogged tear duct like he did when he was a newborn, but both eyes were affected so I called the nurse this afternoon and she said to come see the doctor. She prescribed eye drops to put in his eyes 6 times a day! Apparently they expect us to wake him up because I'm supposed to do it every 4 hours. So I will call again tomorrow to ask about that because I don't want to have to wake him up twice a night for a week to give him the drops.

The pediatrician said he has a "cold in the eye." So I didn't think he had pink eye. But when I googled it it seems like this phrase is the same thing as pink eye. I was confused about where he could have received this virus from (if it is a virus, sometimes it isn't, but the doctor said there's no way to know how he got it) since none of his friends have ever had it. However, I just remembered the fact that Evan was in the nursery at a church we went to for a funeral on Sunday. Ugg! I knew I shouldn't have left him in there! The only reason I did was because my MIL was working in it and wanted to keep Evan. I bet that's where he picked it up. It's the first time in a long time that he's been in a nursery since we haven't been going to church much recently because of traveling for Easter and having such bad allergies. Because other than that I can't remember the last time he's played with another child's toys or even touched another child since he doesn't physically interact with other kids and their stuff when we do stuff with friends since we usually just go walking.

The worst thing about this is having to message 2 of Evan's friends' moms that he's played with the past 2 days to tell them because Evan was playing with their toys. I kind of feel like keeping this a secret, but I know I'd want to know if there was a chance Evan's toys were contaminated by one of his friends. I wouldn't be mad if Evan picked something up from another kid, but I'd just want to know so I could have a chance to clean his toys.

Oh well, it's late and I'm not feeling great (allergies) and I have to clean the house tomorrow since Matt and my FIL are installing new windows!

6-7 month schedule

I've changed Evan's schedule since the last time I posted about it way back in November. At the end of February Evan didn't have his dream feed since Matt and i were out and my sister was babysitting. He ended up sleeping a lot longer and I decided to just stop the dream feed completely. He also went to a 4 hour schedule which put his last feeding at 8:00 pm and then he went straight to bed. However, he started waking up early (6:30 am) every morning so we decided to move his last feeding (and bedtime) to an earlier time. So this is working for now and we'll probably stick with this schedule until he's old enough to go down to one nap a day (can't remember when that is).

7:30 - 8:00: Wake up, nurse, solids (1/4 cup of rice cereal mixed with fruit - usually apple sauce or bananas).

8:30 - 9:00: Nap (he will take a longer nap if I put him to bed about exactly an hour after he eats. I've tried extending his morning wake time several times and it never works.)

11:30 - 12:00: Wake up, nurse, solids (3 cubes of veggies, rice cereal mixed with fruit).

1:00 - 1:30: Nap

3:30 - 4:00: Wake up, nurse, solids (3 cubes of veggies, additional fruit if he still seems hungry).

6:30 - 7:00: Nurse, immediately to bed (we have a bedtime routine of nursing, family prayer time, read a book, sing a song, rock for a couple of minutes, and then he goes down in his crib).


Today is actually the first time I've given him rice cereal for his midday meal. He doesn't always eat much at his last meal (when he just nurses) and I think it's because I overfeed him at the 4:00 feeding. So now I'm going to try the cereal at the first 2 solid feedings so he won't eat as much so close to bedtime.

It's sad to put him to bed so early (I miss him so much after a couple of hours!), but it's really better for him and us. We all get more sleep and are happier people in the morning! Matt is still able to spend time with him in the evenings after he comes home from work (that was my biggest concern). It isn't enough time, but at least he gets an hour to an hour and a half with him on the weekday evenings. Plus, he sometimes comes home for lunch and is able to see Evan for about an hour then too.

So this schedule makes it look like he always takes 2.5 to 3 hour naps. I wish! lol Some days he does take naps that long, but usually it's an hour and a half in the morning and then 1.5 - 2.5 hours in the afternoon. Sometimes he still does a 45 minute nap like he used to, but thankfully since cutting out the third late afternoon nap he's been sleeping longer for the other two. If he wakes early I just let him whine in his crib (or talk to himself or play, depending on his mood). Sometimes I put him in his swing and see if he'll fall back to sleep or at least lay there quietly). Sometimes I let him play on the floor for awhile. It just depends on his mood and my mood. But I try not to feed him too much earlier unless he's acting hungry or really cranky.